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| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control Katherine Morgan Schafler, 2023-01-17 From psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schafler, an invitation to every “recovering perfectionist” to challenge the way they look at perfectionism, and the way they look at themselves. We’ve been looking at perfectionism all wrong. As psychotherapist and former on-site therapist at Google Katherine Morgan Schafler argues in The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control, you don’t have to stop being a perfectionist to be healthy. For women who are sick of being given the generic advice to “find balance,” a new approach has arrived. Which of the five types of perfectionist are you? Classic, intense, Parisian, messy, or procrastinator? As you identify your unique perfectionist profile, you'll learn how to manage each form of perfectionism to work for you, not against you. Beyond managing it, you'll learn how to embrace and even enjoy your perfectionism. Yes, enjoy! Full of stories and brimming with humor, empathy, and depth, this book is a love letter to the ambitious, high achieving, full-of-life clients who filled the author’s private practice, and who changed her life. It’s a clarion call for all women to dare to want more without feeling greedy or ungrateful. Ultimately, this book will show you how to make the single greatest trade you’ll ever make in your life, which is to exchange superficial control for real power. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Summary of Katherine Morgan Schafler's The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control Milkyway Media, 2023-12-23 Buy now to get the main key ideas from Katherine Morgan Schafler's The Perfectionist's Guide to Losing Control Perfectionism is not a negative trait to be eradicated; it is a powerful energy that can be harnessed for positive outcomes if understood correctly. In The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control (2023), Katherine Morgan Schafler draws from her experiences as a therapist and researcher to provide insights into how perfectionists can leverage their traits for personal growth rather than viewing them as flaws needing correction. She identifies five types of perfectionists, each with unique strengths and challenges. Schafler includes a quiz to determine which type of perfectionist you are and provides strategies to manage your traits effectively. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Perfectionism Lisa Van Gemert, 2017 For perfectionists of all types, whether children or adults, this practical guide explains myths about perfectionism and provides a new paradigm with practical steps to turn the negative into positive, build resilience, and develop optimism. Goals, perseverance, mindset, and self-talk are emphasized. The author, Lisa Van Gemert, is an educator and widely-known speaker and was Youth and Education Ambassador for Mensa. She understands perfectionism in herself as well as through her work. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Present Perfect Pavel G Somov, 2010-06-03 A revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism! A recent, randomized study—published by Mindfulness Journal—shows that Present Perfect is effective as a standalone intervention. The study found that those who had read the book experienced a statistically significant reduction of self-criticalness, a result that was still maintained at a six weeks follow-up (Wimberley, Mintz, & Suh, Mindfulness, Nov. 2015). While there's no doubt that setting high standards for yourself is a good thing, you've probably already noticed that perfectionism can come at a high price. And when you take steps to try to change, it's easy to be too hard on yourself and fall into the same traps that keep you feeling stressed and disappointed. This book presents a revolutionary approach to overcoming perfectionism—a way to transform your need for precision into self-acceptance, compassion, and love for each perfectly imperfect passing moment in our lives. In Present Perfect, you'll use the Buddhist psychology of mindfulness to learn to accept the present moment in all of its ordinary perfection. This book is filled with over 150 exercises and meditations that you can practice to become more flexible toward yourself and others without losing your love of a job well done. With this compassionate approach, you'll soon be able not only to accept life as it is, but also become more accepting and forgiving of yourself and others. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Perfectionism Journal Tina Kocol, 2022-03-08 Find peace with imperfection Striving for perfection may seem like a worthwhile endeavor, but the pursuit of an impossible level of excellence can easily overwhelm you, leading to anxiety and depression. This journal encourages you to explore the impact and origins of your perfectionist tendencies while teaching you strategies to move beyond them to focus on process over perfection. What sets The Perfectionism Journal apart from other anxiety workbooks: Thoughtful prompts--Gain greater insight into your relationship with perfectionism through incisive questions about expectations, self-esteem, goal setting, and more. Essential exercises--Cultivate a healthier attitude and manage your impulses through activities like taking a quiz to identify your perfectionism type and recording 5 traits you're proud of. Room to reflect--Find plenty of room to record your thoughts, which will encourage you to think deeply about your experiences so you can put them into perspective. Learn to overcome perfectionism and curb unnecessary stress with this insightful journal. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: When Perfect Isn't Good Enough Martin M. Antony, Richard P. Swinson, 2009-02-01 It's only natural to want to avoid making mistakes, but imperfection is a part of being human. And while perfectionists are often praised for their abilities, being constantly anxious about details can hold you back and keep you from reaching your full potential. In this fully revised and updated second edition of When Perfect Isn't Good Enough, you'll discover the root cause of your perfectionism, explore the impact of perfectionism on your life, and find new, proven-effective coping skills to help you overcome your anxiety about making mistakes. This guide also includes tips for dealing with other perfectionists and discussions about how perfectionism is linked to worry, depression, anger, social anxiety, and body image. As you complete the exercises in this book, you'll find it easier and easier to keep worries at bay and enjoy life — imperfections and all. This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Overcoming Perfectionism 2nd Edition Roz Shafran, Sarah Egan, Tracey Wade, 2018-05-10 How to break the circle of 'never good enough' Striving for something can be a healthy and positive attribute; it's good to aim high. But sometimes whatever we do just isn't good enough; we want to be too perfect and start setting unrealistic goals. Such high levels of perfectionism, often driven by low self-esteem, can turn against success and develop into unhealthy obsession, triggering serious mental-health problems, such as anxiety, depression and eating disorders. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), on which this self-help book is based, has been found to be a highly effective treatment and provides relief from that disabling sense of not being good enough. In this essential self-help guide, you will learn: - How clinical perfectionism manifests itself - Effective coping strategies with invaluable guidance on how to avoid future relapse OVERCOMING self-help guides use clinically-proven techniques to treat long-standing and disabling conditions, both psychological and physical. Many guides in the Overcoming series are recommended under the Reading Well Books on Prescription scheme. Series Editor: Professor Peter Cooper |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Losing Control, Finding Serenity Daniel A. Miller, 2012-07-12 ForeWord Reviews 2012 Book of the Year Award Finalist! What Would Your Life Be Like If You Simply Let Go of Control? At work, they oversee every detail of every project and expect nothing less than perfection from their coworkers.At home, they obsess over finding the right person. Then, they criticize their lover or spouse for doing everything wrong.As parents, they practice zero tolerance for their children's preferred study practices, choice of friends, dress choices, and differing life views.Sound familiar? Everyone knows the type: micromanagers, nitpickers, and domestic despots. Yet, most people fail to recognize the signs of a compulsion to control in themselves-or realize the toll of their behavior on their career, their family, their friendships, and their own happiness. In Losing Control, Finding Serenity: How the Need to Control Hurts Us and How to Let It Go (Ebb and Flow Press, 2011) Daniel Miller pinpoints the dangers of excessive control, which goes far beyond setting limits and standards, in all aspects of life. What's more, he shows those who feel the pressure to control how to break free and reap unexpected gifts. Sharing his journey of transformation, Miller reveals what happened when he finally decided to surrender: his blinders fell away, new opportunities emerged, and he experienced unprecedented, profound inner peace.Drawing on psychological insights, spiritual wisdom, and the real-life stories of acknowledged control freaks, Losing Control, Finding Serenity guides readers through an honest inventory of their control patterns-whether prodding, cajoling, withdrawing, playing the martyr, or intimidating-down to the roots. As most controllers will discover, their compulsion to control is provoked by deep-seated fear, anxieties, and insecurities, then aggravated by anger and resentments. Filled with enlightening true stories, Losing Control, Finding Serenity gives readers the knowledge, the courage, the strategies, and the decontrol tools to: *Identify and overcome the control triggers of fear, anger, and resentment. *Avoid avoidance, with techniques for overcoming procrastination and reassuring exercises for resisting the urge to withdraw from loved ones. *Become a less domineering parent, build a family democracy, and reduce the struggles with children. *Find and keep the right person by accepting who he or she is rather than trying to change their romantic partner. *Delegate to and trust coworkers to reap increases in productivity, efficiency, and job satisfaction-and reduce conflict and dissension. *Learn to be patient and calmly accept what is, even when adversity strikes, to enjoy a more fulfilling and serene life. * Pursue your passions and achieve greater life balance in a chaotic, unpredictable world that's frequently beyond anyone's control Losing Control, Finding Serenity offers welcome encouragement and validation for going with the flow of life as it is: an ongoing, every changing mystery. Find out how losing control really means gaining control! |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Impossible to Please Neil Lavender, Alan A. Cavaiola, 2012-11-01 Everyone knows someone who is impossible to please, critical, judgmental, picky, and stubbornly closed-minded. These are symptoms of a disorder called obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD), but it’s common for people to have subclinical levels of some or all of these qualities. Most of the time, it’s best to avoid the difficult to please person, but what happens when he or she is a close family member, coworker, or even a spouse? It’s still possible to maintain a positive relationship with the right tools. Impossible to Please, written by the authors of Toxic Coworkers, is a manual for dealing with these difficult people without sitting through stressful arguments, vicious insults and attacks, and passive-aggressive behavior. It empowers readers to take charge of the relationship and regain their dignity and confidence in interactions with these individuals. This book features specific strategies that are immediately effective when conversing with critical people and explains how readers can respond to unfair blame without becoming angry or overly defensive. By setting boundaries, improving communication, and asserting themselves, readers learn to deal with the impossible to please in romantic relationships, friendships, family, and work relationships. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Anxious Perfectionist Clarissa W. Ong, Michael P. Twohig, 2022-03-01 Is your perfectionism causing you anxiety, stress, and worry? If you identify as a perfectionist, you may not see your perfectionism as a problem. But striving for unrealistic standards, basing your self-worth on meeting those standards, and engaging in persistent self-criticism will ultimately lead to anxiety, stress, worry, burnout, and unhappiness. So, how can you distinguish between “helpful” and “hurtful” perfectionism and stop holding yourself and others to unrealistically high standards? Written by two clinical psychologists, The Anxious Perfectionist shines a much-needed light on the hidden costs of “being the best,” and offers essential skills based in acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help you cope with the anxiety that is driven by your perfectionism. You’ll learn how your “need to be perfect” can actually hinder your productivity, and keep you from reaching your goals. You’ll also learn skills to help you gain distance from negative self-talk and criticism, let go of unhelpful and self-limiting labels such as “success” or “failure,” and give yourself and others permission to make mistakes while still honoring your high aspirations. If you’re struggling with feelings of anxiety and stress, and suspect your perfectionism may be to blame, this guide will show you how to stop getting in the way of your own success, and live a life guided by your deepest values. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Perfectly Hidden Depression Margaret Robinson Rutherford, 2019-11-01 When your life looks perfect, but you’re silently falling apart… If you were raised to believe that painful emotions are a sign of weakness, or if being vulnerable has always made you feel unsafe, then you may have survived by creating a perfect-looking life—a life where you appear to be successful, engaged, and always there for others. The problem? You’re filled with self-criticism and shame, and you can’t allow yourself to express fear, anger, loss, or grief. You recognize something is wrong, but you’re not sure what exactly—only that you feel trapped and alone. If this sounds like you, you may have perfectly hidden depression (PHD). With this compassionate guide, you’ll begin the process of understanding your perfectionism, identifying destructive beliefs, and connecting with emotions suppressed for far too long. You’ll also find tangible tips for quieting that critical inner voice, and powerful strategies for coping with difficult feelings. Most importantly, you’ll learn that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. If you’re ready to stop hiding and start healing, this groundbreaking book will guide you—every imperfect step of the way. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism Sharon Martin, 2019-01-02 If you feel an intense pressure to be perfect, this evidence-based workbook offers real strategies based in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) to help you develop a more balanced and healthy perspective. Do you hold yourself—and perhaps others—to extremely high standards? Do you procrastinate certain tasks because you’re afraid you won’t carry them out perfectly? If you’ve answered “yes” to one or both of these questions, chances are you’re a perfectionist. And while there’s nothing wrong with hard work and high standards, perfectionism can also take over your life if you let it. So, how can you find balance? With this workbook, you’ll identify the causes of your perfectionism and the ways it is negatively impacting your life. Rather than measuring your self-worth by productivity and accomplishments, you’ll learn to exercise self-compassion, and extend that compassion to others. You’ll also learn ways to prioritize the things that really matter to you, without focusing on attaining fixed goals. Life isn’t perfect, and neither are we. If you’re ready to break free from out-of-control perfectionism and start living a richer, fuller life, this workbook will help you get started. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Too Perfect Allan Mallinger, Jeannette Dewyze, 2011-06-29 For many of us, perfectionism can bring life's most desired rewards. But when the obsessive need for perfection and control gets in the way of our professional and emotional lives, the cost becomes too high. Although many of us appear cool and confident on the outside, inside we are in emotional turmoil, trying to satisfy everyone, attempting to direct the future, and feeling that we are failing. In TOO PERFECT, Dr. Allan Mallinger draws on twenty years of research and observations from his private practice to show how perfectionism can sap energy, complicate even the simplest decisions, and take the enjoyment out of life. For workaholics or neat freaks, for anyone who fears change or making mistakes, needs rigid rules, is excessively frugal or obstinate, TOO PERFECT offers revealing self-tests, fascinating case histories, and practical strategies to help us overcome obsessiveness and reclaim our right to happiness. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The ACT Workbook for Perfectionism Jennifer Kemp, 2021-12-01 An innovative approach to help you maintain your high standards while also accepting mistakes with compassion and kindness. If you’re a perfectionist, you know there’s a helpful upside to pushing yourself toward excellence: achievement, success—and, hey, it can be fun and rewarding to work hard! But unhelpful perfectionism can just as easily work against you. It can prevent you from taking risks or trying new things out for fear of failure, judgment, or rejection; cause you to procrastinate; and make you feel like no matter what you achieve, you’ll never be good enough. Grounded in evidence-based acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), this workbook will help you discover what drives this ‘dark side’ of perfectionism, and develop the skills you need to overcome it—without lowering your standards. By leaning in to your values and treating yourself with kindness and compassion, you’ll learn to put mistakes in perspective without wallowing in self-criticism. Most importantly, you’ll find that you can allow for imperfection, without losing your drive to achieve. If you’re ready to stop unhealthy perfectionism from paralyzing your personal growth—and start embracing yourself as perfectly imperfect—this book will introduce you to a whole new you! |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Perfectionist's Handbook Jeff Szymanski, 2011-08-15 A guide for getting your perfectionism to work for you Is perfectionism a good thing or does it get in our way? In The Perfectionist's Handbook, clinical psychologist Jeff Szymanski helps readers navigate their way out of the perfectionism paradox: if your intentions are good (wanting to excel) and the outcomes you want are reasonable (to feel competent and satisfied), why would perfectionism backfire and result in unhappiness and stress? Learn when perfectionism will pay off, and when and why it sabotages you. Specific strategies are outlined throughout the book to help readers transform their perfectionism from a liability to an asset. There is no reason to eliminate perfectionism altogether—instead, build on what's working and change what's not. The Perfectionist's Handbook helps readers to: Distinguish between intention and strategy as a way of improving outcomes Identify diminishing returns and how to redistribute time and resources Make the most of mistakes rather than being preoccupied with trying to avoid them Learn to focus on your Top 10 list as a way of getting the most out of your life Access others more effectively as a way of improving performance Obtain more balance in their lives |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Perfectionism Paul L. Hewitt, Gordon L. Flett, Samuel F. Mikail, 2017-03-29 Grounded in decades of influential research, this book thoroughly examines perfectionism: how it develops, its underlying mechanisms and psychological costs, and how to target it effectively in psychotherapy. The authors describe how perfectionistic tendencies--rooted in early relational and developmental experiences--make people vulnerable to a wide range of clinical problems. They present an integrative treatment approach and demonstrate ways to tailor interventions to the needs of individual clients. A group treatment model is also detailed. State-of-the-art assessment tools are discussed (and provided at the companion website). Throughout the book, vivid clinical illustrations make the core ideas and techniques concrete.ÿ ÿ |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Overcoming Perfectionism Clive Reed, 2020-07 Perfectionism is a character or personality trait that causes life to feel like a never-ending report card. A perfectionist feels as if they are being forever graded on their accomplishments, their appearance, their organization, and just about everything else. This book explores the ways in which perfection can have positive and motivational impacts like providing the drive to overcome adversity or achieve certain goals. However, it can often become difficult to manage and lead to unhealthy outcomes that can translate quickly into anxiety, relationship challenges, daily struggles and overall unhappiness. You'll learn how to identify perfectionistic tendencies and their triggers as well as how to build self-acceptance and self-esteem. Learning to cope with and manage perfectionism can lead to better relationships with family, co-workers and most important with yourself. Case studies, professional advice, practical tips, chapter recaps and several easy to follow mini-lessons are included in order to make this a book that readers will use as a reference tool for many years to come. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Why Is My Child in Charge? Claire Lerner, 2021-09-02 Solve toddler challenges with eight key mindshifts that will help you parent with clarity, calmness, and self-control. In Why is My Child in Charge?, Claire Lerner shows how making critical mindshifts—seeing children’s behaviors through a new lens —empowers parents to solve their most vexing childrearing challenges. Using real life stories, Lerner unpacks the individualized process she guides parents through to settle common challenges, such as throwing tantrums in public, delaying bedtime for hours, refusing to participate in family mealtimes, and resisting potty training. Lerner then provides readers with a roadmap for how to recognize the root cause of their child’s behavior and how to create and implement an action plan tailored to the unique needs of each child and family. Why is My Child in Charge? is like having a child development specialist in your home. It shows how parents can develop proven, practical strategies that translate into adaptable, happy kids and calm, connected, in-control parents. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: How to Be an Imperfectionist Stephen Guise, 2015-06-04 From an early age, kids are taught to color inside the lines, and any color that strays outside the lines is considered to be a mistake that must be avoided. Perfectionism is a naturally limiting mindset. Imperfectionism, however, frees us to live outside the lines, where possibilities are infinite, mistakes are allowed, and self-judgment is minimal.The old way to approach perfectionism was to inspire people to let go of their need for perfection and hope they could do it. The new way is to show people how simple but highly strategic mini actions can empower them to gradually and effortlessly let go of perfectionism. This book applies the science of behavior modification directly to the roots of perfectionism, resulting in a new and superior method for change. Imperfectionists aren't so ironic as to have perfect lives: they're just happier, healthier, and more productive at doing what matters. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Perfectionism Workbook Taylor Newendorp, 2018-07-24 The Perfectionism Workbook offers actionable exercises to help you overcome the barriers created by perfectionism and develop skills for living a healthier, more gratifying life. The desire to continuously improve can be a positive trait that fuels success. However, those same aspirations can also turn into perfectionism, which causes us to put unrealistic pressure on ourselves and set impossible standards that negatively influence how we think and act. In his work as a clinical therapist, Taylor Newendorp has successfully used cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to help countless patients who live with the immense pressure of perfectionism and other related issues such as OCD, anxiety disorders, eating disorders, or depression. In The Perfectionism Workbook, Taylor delivers practical, effective exercises to help you change the way you view yourself, set healthy goals, and find contentment in your daily life. The Perfectionism Workbook is a hands-on guide especially designed to identify and resolve the root causes of perfectionism. It these pages you will find: A perfectionism overview that will help you understand the illusion of perfectionism, why it doesn't work, and what you can do to treat your perfectionism. The 5 tendencies of toxic perfectionism: Need for approval and pleasing others; Procrastination, inaction, and paralysis; Fear of making mistakes; Highly self-critical; Judgment of self and others. Practical strategies based on the principles of CBT, mindfulness, and acceptance that will help you quiet your critical inner voice, conquer procrastination, and develop true self-worth. Real-world examples of perfectionism that will provide meaningful opportunity for insight and reflection into your own perfectionism. Perfectionism can have serious consequences, both mentally and physically. But there is a solution--and it can be found in the pages The Perfectionism Workbook. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: You Asked for Perfect Laura Silverman, 2019-03-05 Wise‚ romantic‚ and painfully relatable.—Becky Albertalli, New York Times bestselling author of Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda From acclaimed author Laura Silverman comes a timely novel about a bisexual teen's struggle when academic success and romantic happiness pull him in opposite directions, perfect for fans of Adam Silvera and Tamara Ireland Stone. Ariel Stone has spent his life cultivating the perfect college résumé: first chair violinist, dedicated volunteer, active synagogue congregant, and expected valedictorian. He barely has time to think about a social life, let alone a relationship...until a failed calculus quiz puts his future on the line, forcing Ariel to enlist his classmate, Amir, as a tutor. As the two spend more time together, Ariel discovers he may not like calculus, but he does like Amir. When he's with Amir, the crushing academic pressure fades away on, and a fuller and brighter world comes into focus. But college deadlines are still looming. And adding a new relationship to his long list of commitments may just push Ariel past his limit. In a time where academic pressure on stressed teens couldn't be higher, You Asked for Perfect is a story full of empathy, honesty and heart for anyone who has ever questioned the price of perfection. The perfect present for readers who want: Books featuring anxiety for teens Queer romance Gay young adult fiction Jewish representation Praise for You Asked for Perfect: An ALA Rainbow List Pick 2019 Books All Georgians Should Read List 2020 Georgia Author of the Year Awards Nominee Chicago Public Library's Best Fiction for Older Readers List Who can resist a heartfelt romance?—Booklist Silverman's novel hit me straight in the heart... It was powerful enough to make me want to be a better—yet still imperfect—person.—Bill Konigsberg, author of The Music of What Happens A coming-of-age novel that will charm readers with its relatable and diverse characters, quirky storyline, and interweaving of faith, queerness, and the everyday lives of seniors navigating the pressures of college applications, grades, and relationships. Heartwarming and engaging.—Kirkus |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Take the Lead Shaheena Janjuha-Jivraj, Anne-Valérie Corboz, Delphine Mourot-Haxaire, 2024-02-03 The business world is in need of more powerful and insightful female leaders. Discover the strategies and inspiration you need to Take the Lead. Only 26% of leadership positions in business are occupied by women. This book explores how we can close this prevailing gender gap before offering practical strategies on how you can Take the Lead as a business leader. Combining academic rigour with corporate expertise, this book features first-hand research and interviews with female leaders within global organizations to offer the strategies and insights that will propel you to success. From managing conflict and building confidence to growing your network and shaping your career, Take the Lead offers the strategies and inspiration you need to boost your leadership skills and establish yourself as a successful and influential changemaker. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of Perfectionism Sarah J. Egan, Tracey D. Wade, Roz Shafran, Martin M. Antony, 2014-08-13 This practical resource provides an evidence-based framework for treating clients struggling with perfectionism, whether as the main presenting problem or in conjunction with depression, eating disorders, anxiety disorders, or obsessive-compulsive disorder. Using a case formulation approach, the authors draw on their extensive cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) experience to present specific techniques and interventions. Coverage spans treatment planning, the therapeutic alliance, key obstacles that may arise, relapse prevention, and emerging research. Reproducible assessment scales and 36 patient handouts are included; purchasers get access to a Web page where they can download and print the reproducible materials in a convenient 8 1/2 x 11 size. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Perfecting Ourselves to Death Richard Winter, 2009-09-20 Honored in 2006 as a Year's Best Book for Preachers by Preaching magazine. Perfect body. Perfect clothes. Perfect family. Perfect house. Perfect job. We strive for excellence in all areas of our lives. And there's nothing wrong with a healthy, mature pursuit of excellence. But what begins as healthy and normal can sometimes become neurotic and abnormal, leading to debilitating thoughts and behaviors: eating disorders anxiety and depression obsession and compulsions fear of failure relational dysfunction In Perfecting Ourselves to Death, Richard Winter explores the positive and negative effects of perfectionism on our lives. He looks at the seductive nature of perfectionism as it is reflected in today's media. He examines the price and perils of perfectionism. And he explores the roots of perfectionism, delving into what originally awakens this drive in us. After analyzing the negative feelings and defeatist behaviors that unhealthy perfectionism births, he provides practical strategies for how to change. The important thing to see, writes Winter, is that we are to strive to become better people, not just to be content with who we are or how we measure up to the standards of the culture around us. For Christians this means becoming more like Christ in every area of our lives. Here is the perfect book for those who struggle with perfectionism and for those pastors, counselors and friends who want to understand and help perfectionists. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Art of Decision Making Joseph Bikart, 2019-07-09 Drawing insights from philosophy, psychology, literature, and theology, a longtime executive business coach explores how and why we make the decisions we do What is it that makes some of us better—or worse—than others at committing to a choice? What are the forces that hold us back, and how can we successfully overcome them? Every facet of our lives depends on the decisions we make. Yet, how often do we pause to reflect on our ability to make the best and smartest choices? The key is how we confront and refine the decision-making process. Here, Joseph Bikart explores the intricacies of decision making, challenging us to understand why we make the choices we do. He explores how the true power of decisions, especially the toughest among them, help us to face our fears and may in turn change how we think about ourselves. Breaking his study into four clear parts and short practical essays, Bikart presents a lively and compelling exploration of the process of decision making. He covers: • Indecision, Indecision: What makes us indecisive? What holds us back and why? • Where Art Thou?: How and where we get stuck and the importance of relaxing one's grip. • The Momentum of Decisiveness: Keeping our focus and proactivity. • The Deciding Mind: Making our smartest choices. Drawing from such different fields as philosophy, psychology, neurology, literature, art history and theology, The Art of Decision Making takes us on a journey from the depths of procrastination to the elation of decision making. Presenting a fresh perspective on what to do at the proverbial fork in the road, Bikart's unique philosophy is insightful, thought provoking, and potentially life-changing. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Never Good Enough Monica Ramirez Basco, 2000-03-02 This practical guide to overcoming the dangers of being a perfectionist--from debilitating feelings of self-doubt to difficulties with other people--shows readers how their perfectionist tendencies can actually help them succeed. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Perfectionism, Health, and Well-Being Fuschia M. Sirois, Danielle S. Molnar, 2015-09-14 This book brings together the world’s leading perfectionism researchers and theorists to present their latest findings and ideas on how and why perfectionism may confer risks or benefits for health and well-being, as well as the contexts which may shape these relationships. In addition to providing an overview of the latest research in this field, this volume explores new conceptual models that may help further our understanding of when, how, and why perfectionism may be implicated in health and well-being. After presenting an overview of the conceptual and measurement issues surrounding the concepts of perfectionism, health, and well-being, three sections address the implications of perfectionism for health and well-being. The first of these sections provides an overview of research and theory on the role of perfectionism in health and illness, health behaviors, and chronic illness. The next section of the book focuses on the cognitive and affective underpinnings of perfectionism as they relate to psychopathology, distress, and well-being, including how it applies to eating disorders, depression, and anxiety. The final section of the book explores specific contexts and how they may contour the associations of perfectionism with health and well-being, such as in the domains of interpersonal relationships, academic pursuits, and work-related settings. Perfectionism and wellbeing is a topic not just for researchers and scholars, but clinicians and practitioners as well. For this reason, chapters also include a discussion of prevention and treatment issues surrounding perfectionism where relevant. By doing so, this volume is an important resource for not only researchers, but also for those who may wish to use it in applied and clinical settings. By presenting the latest theory and research on perfectionism, health, and well-being with a translational focus, Perfectionism, Health, and Well-Being makes a unique and significant contribution to perfectionism as well as general wellness literature, and highlights the need to address the burden of perfectionism for health and well-being. . |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Resilience and Resistance through Contemplative Practice Nicole Bauer, 2024-06-17 Burnout, imposter syndrome, changes in higher education, issues of free speech, structural inequality—the challenges facing academics today are daunting and overwhelming. How do we balance all of our responsibilities and goals without becoming exhausted? How do scholars decide if activism is right for them, and if so, what form should it take? There is, fortunately, great wisdom, solace, and practical advice for the modern academic in ancient wisdom traditions, indigenous cultures, and contemplative practices like meditation from around the world. In Resilience and Resitance through Contemplative Practice: Zen and the Anxious Academic, the author argues that contemplative practice is not a substitute for social change or a band-aid for the difficulties academics face, but rather a powerful tool in building resilience and resistance to forces that undermine our well-being. Learn, for example, how Jungian psychology and ancient dream practices can help with academic writing, how the concept of dharma can lead us to discern our vocation and if activism is the right path for us, and how meditation can help us rediscover our innate self-worth in a culture where value is judged by narrow definitions of productivity and achievement. With these tools and insights, we can create positive change in both our inner and outer worlds. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Adults and Youth Paula Prober, 2016-06-20 Do you long to drive a Ferrari at top speed on the open road, but find yourself always stuck on the freeway during rush hour? Do you wonder how you can feel like not enough and too much at the same time? Like the rain forest, are you sometimes intense, multilayered, colorful, creative, overwhelming, highly sensitive, complex, and/or idealistic? And, like the rain forest, have you met too many chainsaws?Enter Paula Prober, M.S., M.Ed., who understands the diversity and complexity of minds like yours. In Your Rainforest Mind: A Guide to the Well-Being of Gifted Youths and Adults, Paula explores the challenges faced by gifted adults of all ages. Through case studies and extensive research, Paula will help you tap into your inner creativity, find peace, and discover the limitless potential that comes with your Rainforest Mind. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Healthy Compulsive Gary Trosclair, 2020-02-08 Gary Trosclair explores the power of the driven personality and the positive outcomes those with obsessive compulsive personality disorder can achieve through a mindful program of harnessing the skills that can work, and altering those that serve no one. If you were born with a compulsive personality you may become rigid, controlling, and self-righteous. But you also may become productive, energetic, and conscientious. Same disposition, but very different ways of expressing it. What determines the difference? Some of the most successful and happy people in the world are compelled by powerful inner urges that are almost impossible to resist. They’re compulsive. They’re driven. But some people with a driven personality feel compelled by shame or insecurity to use their compulsive energy to prove their worth, and they lose control of the wheel of their own life. They become inflexible and critical perfectionists who need to wield control, and they lose the point of everything they do in the process. A healthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement are used consciously in the service of passion, love and purpose. An unhealthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement have been hijacked by fear and its henchman, anger. Both are driven: one by meaning, the other by dread. The Healthy Compulsive: Healing Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Taking the Wheel of the Driven Personality, will serve as the ultimate user’s guide for those with a driven personality, including those who have slid into obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Unlike OCD, which results in specific symptoms such as repetitive hand-washing and intrusive thoughts, OCPD permeates the entire personality and dramatically affects relationships. It also requires a different approach to healing. Both scientifically informed and practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Own Your Greatness Lisa Orbé-Austin, Richard Orbé-Austin, 2020-04-28 Stop letting impostor syndrome hold you back! This guided workbook of interactive exercises and research-backed activities will help you conquer self-doubt, realize your true worth, and enjoy your success. How many times have you thought that everyone is crushing it except you? How often have you looked at one of your accomplishments and attributed it to luck or the help of others? It can be difficult to acknowledge our own successes and skills, and overcome the feeling of being an impostor. But moving past that feeling is crucial to continuing down the path to even greater success and happiness. Own Your Greatness will give you all the tools you need to recognize and overcome the impostor syndrome that is holding you back. Packed full of research- and therapy-backed exercises, prompts, and activities, this interactive workbook will help you: Identify the root causes of your impostor syndrome Recognize your natural skills and strengths Gain the confidence to lead Speak up for yourself Feel comfortable receiving and giving praise With this book, you’ll acknowledge the skills you bring to the table, understand that you truly deserve your success, and take steps to a successful, happy, and fulfilled life. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Debugging Teams Brian W. Fitzpatrick, Ben Collins-Sussman, 2015-10-13 In the course of their 20+-year engineering careers, authors Brian Fitzpatrick and Ben Collins-Sussman have picked up a treasure trove of wisdom and anecdotes about how successful teams work together. Their conclusion? Even among people who have spent decades learning the technical side of their jobs, most haven’t really focused on the human component. Learning to collaborate is just as important to success. If you invest in the soft skills of your job, you can have a much greater impact for the same amount of effort. The authors share their insights on how to lead a team effectively, navigate an organization, and build a healthy relationship with the users of your software. This is valuable information from two respected software engineers whose popular series of talks—including Working with Poisonous People—has attracted hundreds of thousands of followers. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Valedictorian of Being Dead Heather B. Armstrong, 2019-04-23 From New York Times bestselling author and blogger Heather B. Armstrong comes an honest and irreverent memoir—reminiscent of the New York Times bestseller Brain on Fire—about her experience as the third person ever to participate in an experimental treatment for depression involving ten rounds of a chemically induced coma approximating brain death. For years, Heather B. Armstrong has alluded to her struggle with depression on her website, dooce. It’s scattered throughout her archive, where it weaves its way through posts about pop culture, music, and motherhood. In 2016, Heather found herself in the depths of a depression she just couldn’t shake, an episode darker and longer than anything she had previously experienced. She had never felt so discouraged by the thought of waking up in the morning, and it threatened to destroy her life. For the sake of herself and her family, Heather decided to risk it all by participating in an experimental clinical trial. Now, for the first time, Heather recalls the torturous eighteen months of suicidal depression she endured and the month-long experimental study in which doctors used propofol anesthesia to quiet all brain activity for a full fifteen minutes before bringing her back from a flatline. Ten times. The experience wasn’t easy. Not for Heather or her family. But a switch was flipped, and Heather hasn’t experienced a single moment of suicidal depression since. “Breathtakingly honest” (Lisa Genova, New York Times bestselling author), self-deprecating, and scientifically fascinating, The Valedictorian of Being Dead brings to light a groundbreaking new treatment for depression. The Valedictorian of Being Dead was previously published with the subtitle “The True Story of Dying Ten Times to Live.” |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Psychology of Perfectionism Joachim Stoeber, 2017-08-22 This milestone text provides a comprehensive and state-of-the art overview of perfectionism theory, research, and treatment from the past 25 years, with contributions from the leading researchers in the field. The book examines new theories and perspectives including the social disconnection model of perfectionism and the 2 × 2 model of perfectionism. It also reviews empirical findings, with a special focus on stress, vulnerability, and resilience, and examines perfectionism in specific populations. Finally, it considers how perfectionism relates to physical health and psychophysiological processes and introduces new approaches to effective prevention and treatment. By increasing our understanding of perfectionism as a complex personality disposition and providing a framework for future explorations, this landmark publication aims to promote further research in this field. It will be invaluable reading for academics, students, and professionals in personality psychology, clinical and counseling psychology, applied psychology, and related disciplines. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Anxiety Workbook for Teens Lisa M. Schab, 2010-01-07 This professional edition includes both the Instant Help book and a companion CD that offers the complete book and printable worksheets for your clients. About one in four teens suffers from mild to serious problems with anxiety, and many of them get little or no help. The Anxiety Workbook for Teens, written by an experienced therapist, gives teens a collection of tools to help control anxiety and face day-to-day challenges. This workbook both gives anxious teens insight into their problems and offers practical guidance for overcoming them. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Hello, Fears Michelle Poler, 2020-05-05 Are you ready to break free from the grip of fear and embark on a journey of personal growth and empowerment? For readers of motivational books like Daring Greatly and Girl, Wash Your Face, this growth mindset personal development book from acclaimed speaker and influencer, Michelle Poler, will help you push out of your comfort zone and find authentic happiness. With a captivating blend of vulnerability, humor, and actionable insights, Michelle shares her story of conquering 100 fears in 100 days and provides a roadmap to help you navigate the uncharted territories of your fears. From public speaking and taking risks to facing rejection and embracing vulnerability, Hello, Fears equips you with the tools and mindset needed to set life-changing goals, embrace courage, and live a life without limits. Learn how to identify and understand your fears, uncovering their root causes Discover proven techniques to step out of your comfort zone and face challenges with confidence Overcome the fear of failure and transform setbacks into stepping stones for success Embrace vulnerability and build authentic connections in your personal and professional life Cultivate resilience and adaptability in the face of uncertainty and change Develop a growth mindset and harness fear as a catalyst for personal growth Whether you're struggling with fear in your career, relationships, or personal aspirations, Hello, Fears provides the guidance and motivation you need to break free and live a life driven by courage, resilience, and purpose. Embrace the transformative power of fear and unlock your true potential today! |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Obsessive-compulsive Disorders Fred Penzel, 2000 Offers advice on how to choose the most effective therapies and medications, and how to avoid relapses. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: Mind Gym Gary Mack, David Casstevens, 2002-06-24 Praise for Mind Gym Believing in yourself is paramount to success for any athlete. Gary's lessons and David's writing provide examples of the importance of the mental game. --Ben Crenshaw, two-time Masters champion and former Ryder Cup captain Mind Gym hits a home run. If you want to build mental muscle for the major leagues, read this book. --Ken Griffey Jr., Major League Baseball MVP I read Mind Gym on my way to the Sydney Olympics and really got a lot out of it. Gary has important lessons to teach, and you'll find the exercises fun and beneficial. --Jason Kidd, NBA All-Star and Olympic gold-medal winner In Mind Gym, noted sports psychology consultant Gary Mack explains how your mind influences your performance on the field or on the court as much as your physical skill does, if not more so. Through forty accessible lessons and inspirational anecdotes from prominent athletes--many of whom he has worked with--you will learn the same techniques and exercises Mack uses to help elite athletes build mental muscle. Mind Gym will give you the head edge over the competition. |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Ultimate Guide To Choosing a Medical Specialty Brian Freeman, 2004-01-09 The first medical specialty selection guide written by residents for students! Provides an inside look at the issues surrounding medical specialty selection, blending first-hand knowledge with useful facts and statistics, such as salary information, employment data, and match statistics. Focuses on all the major specialties and features firsthand portrayals of each by current residents. Also includes a guide to personality characteristics that are predominate with practitioners of each specialty. “A terrific mixture of objective information as well as factual data make this book an easy, informative, and interesting read.” --Review from a 4th year Medical Student |
| the perfectionists guide to losing control: The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook Martin M. Antony, Richard P. Swinson, 2008-07-02 There's nothing wrong with being shy. But if social anxiety keeps you from forming relationships with others, advancing in your education or your career, or carrying on with everyday activities, you may need to confront your fears to live an enjoyable, satisfying life. This new edition of The Shyness and Social Anxiety Workbook offers a comprehensive program to help you do just that. As you complete the activities in this workbook, you'll learn to: •Find your strengths and weaknesses with a self-evaluation •Explore and examine your fears •Create a personalized plan for change •Put your plan into action through gentle and gradual exposure to social situations Information about therapy, medications, and other resources is also included. After completing this program, you'll be well-equipped to make connections with the people around you. Soon, you'll be on your way to enjoying all the benefits of being actively involved in the social world. This book has been awarded The Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Seal of Merit — an award bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives. |
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