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| questions to ask avoidant partner: Attached Amir Levine, Rachel Heller, 2010-12-30 “Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” —The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Wired for Dating Stan Tatkin, 2016-01-02 In the age of online dating, finding a real connection can seem more daunting than ever! So, why not stack the odds of finding the right person in your favor? This book offers simple, proven-effective principles drawn from neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find the perfect mate. Everybody wants someone to love and spend time with, and searching for your ideal partner is a natural and healthy human tendency. Just about everyone dates at some point in their lives, yet few really understand what they're doing or how to get the best results. In Wired for Dating, psychologist and relationship expert Stan Tatkin—author of Wired for Love—offers powerful tips based in neuroscience and attachment theory to help you find a compatible mate and go on to create a fabulous relationship. Using real-life scenarios, you’ll learn key concepts about how people become attracted to potential partners, move toward or away from commitment, and the important role the brain and nervous system play in this process. Each chapter explores the scientific concepts of attachment theory, arousal regulation, and neuroscience. And with a little practice, you’ll learn to apply these exercises and practical techniques to your dating life. If you’re ready to get serious (or not!) about dating, meet your match, and have more fun, this book will be your guide. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Girl Rebuilt Tracy Shields, 2020-08-08 You're miserable, in pain, frustrated. He says he loves you, but he's never available. Wtf? No matter what you do, no matter how successful you are, you can't seem to break the pattern of dating unavailable, avoidant guys, and you're sick of it. Girl Rebuilt is designed for women who are seeking to avoid dating those partners. It requires asking yourself a tough question: could you be a love addict? Tracy Shields is the bestie you need to talk it out with. She offers up fresh, intense insight on how to reconfigure your defense mechanisms, ditch your fears of abandonment, and become the person you need to be to experience healthy love. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Wired for Love Stan Tatkin, 2024-06-01 Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together. —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges. —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: The Anxious Hearts Guide Rikki Cloos, 2021-11-16 |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Avoidant Jeb Kinnison, 2014-10-02 Jeb Kinnison's previous book on finding a good partner by understanding attachment types (Bad Boyfriends: Using Attachment Theory to Avoid Mr. (or Ms.) Wrong and Make You a Better Partner) brought lots of readers to JebKinnison.com, where the most asked-about topic was how to deal with avoidant lovers and spouses. There are many readers in troubled marriages now who are looking for help, as well as people already invested in a relationship short of marriage who'd like help deciding if they should stick with it. People in relationships with Avoidants struggle with their lack of responsiveness and inability to tolerate real intimacy. Relationships between an Avoidant and a partner of another attachment type are the largest group of unhappy relationships, and people who love their partners and who may have started families and had children with an Avoidant will work very hard to try to make their relationships work better, out of love for their partner and children as well as their own happiness. The Avoidants in these relationships are more than likely unhappy with the situation as well-retreating into their shells and feeling harassed for being asked to respond with positive feeling when they have little to give. The other reason why so many people are looking for help on this topic is that it is an almost impossible problem. Couples counsellors rarely have the time or knowledge to work with an Avoidant and will often advise the spouse to give up on a Dismissive, especially, whose lack of responsiveness looks like cruelty or contempt (and sometimes it is ) Yet there is some hope-though it may take years and require educating the Avoidant on the patterns of good couples communication, if both partners want to change their patterns toward more secure and satisfying models, it can be done. How can you tell if your partner is avoidant? Does your partner: - Seem not to care how you feel? - Frequently fail to respond to direct questions or text messages? - Accuse you of being too needy or codependent? - Talk of some past lover as ideal and compare you to them? - Act coldly toward your children and the needy? - Remind you that he or she would be fine without you? - Withhold sex or affection as punishment? If that sounds familiar, then your partner is likely avoidant. At about 25% of the population, Avoidants have shorter, more troubled relationships, and tend to divorce more frequently and divorce again if remarried. What can be done? Individual therapy for the motivated Avoidant can move their default attachment style toward security, and to the extent that problems have been made worse by an overly clingy and demanding anxious-preoccupied partner, therapy can help there, as well. Partners who read and absorb the lessons of these books will have a head start on noticing and restraining themselves when they are slipping into an unsatisfying communications pattern, and an intellectual understanding of the bad patterns is a step toward unlearning them. Not all difficult Avoidants can be reformed; that depends on both partners, the depth of their problems, and their motivation and ability to change over time. But many troubled marriages and relationships can be greatly improved, and the people in them can learn to be happier, with even modest improvements in understanding how they can best communicate support for each other. For those reading who have not read Bad Boyfriends or are less familiar with attachment types, a beefed-up section on attachment theory and attachment types from Bad Boyfriends is included. Regular readers of JebKinnison.com will find edited versions of some relevant material previously posted there. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How We Love, Expanded Edition Milan Yerkovich, Kay Yerkovich, 2009-01-20 Did you know the last fight you had with your spouse began long before you even met? Are you tired of falling into frustrating relational patterns in your marriage? Do you and your spouse fight about the same things again and again? Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich explain why the ways you and your spouse relate to each other go back to before you even met. Drawing on the powerful tool of attachment theory, Milan and Kay explore how your childhood created an “intimacy imprint” that affects your marriage today. Their stories and practical ideas help you: * identify your personal love style * understand how your early life impacts you and your spouse * break free from painful patterns that keep you stuck * find healing for the source of conflict, not just the symptoms * create the close, nourishing relationship you dream about Revised throughout with all-new material and additional visual diagrams, this expanded edition of How We Love will bring vibrant life to your marriage. Are you ready for a new journey of love? Note: The revised and expanded How We Love Workbook is available separately. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Adult Attachment Omri Gillath, Gery C. Karantzas, R. Chris Fraley, 2016-03-29 Adult Attachment: A Concise Introduction to Theory and Research is an easy-to-read and highly accessible reference on attachment that deals with many of the key concepts and topics studied within attachment theory. This book is comprised of a series of chapters framed by common questions that are typically asked by novices entering the field of attachment. The content of each chapter focuses on answering this overarching question. Topics on the development of attachment are covered from different levels of analysis, including species, individual, and relationship levels, working models of attachment, attachment functions and hierarchies, attachment stability and change over time and across situations, relationship contexts, the cognitive underpinnings of attachment and its activation of enhancement via priming, the interplay between the attachment behavioral system and other behavioral systems, the effects of context on attachment, the contribution of physiology/neurology and genetics to attachment, the associations/differences between attachment and temperament, the conceptualization and measurement of attachment, and the association between attachment and psychopathology/therapy. TEDx talk: The Power of (Secure) Love by Omri Gillath: https://youtu.be/PgIQv-rTGgA - Uses a question-and-answer format to address the most important topics within attachment theory - Presents information in a simple, easy-to-understand way to ensure accessibility for novices in the field of attachment - Covers the main concepts and issues that relate to attachment theory, thus ensuring readers develop a strong foundation in attachment theory that they can then apply to the study of relationships - Addresses future directions in the field of attachment theory - Concisely covers material, ensuring scholars and professionals can quickly get up-to-speed with the most recent research |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Intellectual Foreplay Eve Eschner Hogan, 2011-01-01 This solutions-oriented guide offers problem solving and behavior changing strategies for people working on their most intimate relationships. The book provides readers with: enhanced knowledge of their own and their partners' beliefs, values, habits, desires, goals, likes, and dislikes; ideas for opening communication and deepening a relationship; skills for making healthy decisions about lifestyles and boundaries; an in-depth understanding of the role of self-esteem in relationships; increased ability to let go of the past and embrace the present; and the knowledge that it is important not only to choose the right partner, but also to be the right partner. What distinguishes Intellectual Foreplay from similar titles is that it includes guidelines on what to do with the answers it gives. This makes it useful in both creating and sustaining a relationship. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: All About Love bell hooks, 2018-01-30 A New York Times bestseller and enduring classic, All About Love is the acclaimed first volume in feminist icon bell hooks' Love Song to the Nation trilogy. All About Love reveals what causes a polarized society, and how to heal the divisions that cause suffering. Here is the truth about love, and inspiration to help us instill caring, compassion, and strength in our homes, schools, and workplaces. “The word ‘love’ is most often defined as a noun, yet we would all love better if we used it as a verb,” writes bell hooks as she comes out fighting and on fire in All About Love. Here, at her most provocative and intensely personal, renowned scholar, cultural critic and feminist bell hooks offers a proactive new ethic for a society bereft with lovelessness--not the lack of romance, but the lack of care, compassion, and unity. People are divided, she declares, by society’s failure to provide a model for learning to love. As bell hooks uses her incisive mind to explore the question “What is love?” her answers strike at both the mind and heart. Razing the cultural paradigm that the ideal love is infused with sex and desire, she provides a new path to love that is sacred, redemptive, and healing for individuals and for a nation. The Utne Reader declared bell hooks one of the “100 Visionaries Who Can Change Your Life.” All About Love is a powerful, timely affirmation of just how profoundly her revelations can change hearts and minds for the better. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: The Power of Attachment Diane Poole Heller, Ph.D., 2019-03-12 How traumatic events can break our vital connections—and how to restore love, wholeness, and resiliency in your life From our earliest years, we develop an attachment style that follows us through life, replaying in our daily emotional landscape, our relationships, and how we feel about ourselves. And in the wake of a traumatic event—such as a car accident, severe illness, loss of a loved one, or experience of abuse—that attachment style can deeply influence what happens next. In The Power of Attachment, Dr. Diane Poole Heller, a pioneer in attachment theory and trauma resolution, shows how overwhelming experiences can disrupt our most important connections— with the parts of ourselves within, with the physical world around us, and with others. The good news is that we can restore and reconnect at all levels, regardless of our past. Here, you’ll learn key insights and practices to help you: • Restore the broken connections caused by trauma • Get embodied and grounded in your body • Integrate the parts of yourself that feel wounded and fragmented • Emerge from grief, fear, and powerlessness to regain strength, joy, and resiliency • Reclaim access to your inner resources and spiritual nature “We are fundamentally designed to heal,” teaches Dr. Heller. “Even if our childhood is less than ideal, our secure attachment system is biologically programmed in us, and our job is to simply find out what’s interfering with it—and learn what we can do to make those secure tendencies more dominant.” With expertise drawn from Dr. Heller’s research, clinical work, and training programs, this book invites you to begin that journey back to wholeness. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Polysecure Jessica Fern, 2022-09 A practical translation of the principles of attachment theory to non-monogamous relationships. Attachment theory has entered the mainstream, but most discussions focus on how we can cultivate secure monogamous relationships. What if, like many people, you're striving for secure, happy attachments with more than one partner? Polyamorous psychotherapist Jessica Fern breaks new ground by extending attachment theory into the realm of consensual non-monogamy. Using her nested model of attachment and trauma, she expands our understanding of how emotional experiences can influence our relationships. Then, she sets out six specific strategies to help you move toward secure attachments in your multiple relationships. Polysecureis both a trailblazing theoretical treatise and a practical guide. It provides non-monogamous people with a new set of tools to navigate the complexities of multiple loving relationships, and offers radical new concepts that are sure to influence the conversation about attachment theory. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Love Your Self J Spencer Wendt, 2019-01-30 You already possess everything you need to love your self; the essential practice necessary to experience joy, happiness and freedom in your life and to create healthy, vibrant and lasting intimate relationships. To love your self means with focused attention, 100% acceptance, appreciating your unique space in the universe, and granting your self the allowance to be OK wherever you are in your life journey. Spencer draws on decades of interpersonal relationships, academic study and professional counseling. In this work, he organizes the essential ingredients to experiencing healthy love and creating and maintaining healthy relationships. In this writing he teaches: Love is a Choice, not an emotion. Learn the elements we choose when we love Learn to distinguish the voice of love or sharp, cutting words and actions of ego. Understand why finding the one or that chemistry are myth-stakes. Learn proven models for healthy conflict resolution Restore your self to love by understanding what happened. The book provides practical knowledge about understanding and setting boundaries, knowing your preferences, improving your partner selection and expressing emotions in a healthy manner. People and relationships are not complicated... it's all about Love. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How to Win Friends and Influence People , 2024-02-17 You can go after the job you want…and get it! You can take the job you have…and improve it! You can take any situation you’re in…and make it work for you! Since its release in 1936, How to Win Friends and Influence People has sold more than 30 million copies. Dale Carnegie’s first book is a timeless bestseller, packed with rock-solid advice that has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. As relevant as ever before, Dale Carnegie’s principles endure, and will help you achieve your maximum potential in the complex and competitive modern age. Learn the six ways to make people like you, the twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking, and the nine ways to change people without arousing resentment. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Get the Guy Matthew Hussey, 2013-04-09 Most dating books tell you what NOT to do. Here's a book dedicated to telling you what you CAN do. In his book, Get the Guy, Matthew Hussey—relationship expert, matchmaker, and star of the reality show Ready for Love—reveals the secrets of the male mind and the fundamentals of dating and mating for a proven, revolutionary approach to help women to find lasting love. Matthew Hussey has coached thousands of high-powered CEOs, showing them how to develop confidence and build relationships that translate into professional success. Many of Matthew’s male clients pressed him for advice on how to apply his winning strategies not to just get the job, but how to get the girl. As his reputation grew, Hussey was approached by more and more women, eager to hear what he had learned about the male perspective on love and romance. From landing a first date to establishing emotional intimacy, playful flirtation to red-hot bedroom tips, Matthew’s insightfulness, irreverence, and warmth makes Get the Guy: Learn Secrets of the Male Mind to Find the Man You Want and the Love You Deserve a one-of-a-kind relationship guide and the handbook for every woman who wants to get the guy she’s been waiting for. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Talk Rx Neha Sangwan, 2015 Details a five-step process for learning how to communicate effectively in order to improve health, strengthen relationships, and reduce stress, while becoming comfortable with having honest exchanges. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How to Talk to Anyone Leil Lowndes, 2003-09-22 You'll not only break the ice, you'll melt it away with your new skills. -- Larry King The lost art of verbal communication may be revitalized by Leil Lowndes. -- Harvey McKay, author of “How to Swim with the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive” What is that magic quality makes some people instantly loved and respected? Everyone wants to be their friend (or, if single, their lover!) In business, they rise swiftly to the top of the corporate ladder. What is their Midas touch? What it boils down to is a more skillful way of dealing with people. The author has spent her career teaching people how to communicate for success. In her book How to Talk to Anyone (Contemporary Books, October 2003) Lowndes offers 92 easy and effective sure-fire success techniques-- she takes the reader from first meeting all the way up to sophisticated techniques used by the big winners in life. In this information-packed book you’ll find: 9 ways to make a dynamite first impression 14 ways to master small talk, big talk, and body language 14 ways to walk and talk like a VIP or celebrity 6 ways to sound like an insider in any crowd 7 ways to establish deep subliminal rapport with anyone 9 ways to feed someone's ego (and know when NOT to!) 11 ways to make your phone a powerful communications tool 15 ways to work a party like a politician works a room 7 ways to talk with tigers and not get eaten alive In her trademark entertaining and straight-shooting style, Leil gives the techniques catchy names so you'll remember them when you really need them, including: Rubberneck the Room, Be a Copyclass, Come Hither Hands, “Bare Their Hot Button,” “The Great Scorecard in the Sky, and Play the Tombstone Game,” for big success in your social life, romance, and business. How to Talk to Anyone, which is an update of her popular book, Talking the Winner's Way (see the 5-star reviews of the latter) is based on solid research about techniques that work! By the way, don't confuse How to Talk to Anyone with one of Leil's previous books, How to Talk to Anybody About Anything. This one is completely different! |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus John Gray, 1993-04-23 Popular marriage counselor and seminar leader John Gray provides a unique, practical and proven way for men and women to communicate and relate better by acknowledging the differences between them. Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets. Using this metaphor to illustrate the commonly occurring conflicts between men and women, Gray explains how these differences can come between the sexes and prohibit mutually fulfilling loving relationships. Based on years of successful counseling of couples, he gives advice on how to counteract these differences in communication styles, emotional needs and modes of behavior to promote a greater understanding between individual partners. Gray shows how men and women react differently in conversation and how their relationships are affected by male intimacy cycles (get close, back off), and female self-esteem fluctuations (I'm okay, I'm not okay). He encourages readers to accept the other gender's particular way of expressing love, and helps men and women learn how to fulfill each other's emotional needs. With practical suggestions on how to reduce conflict, crucial information on how to interpret a partner's behavior and methods for preventing emotional trash from the past from invading new relationships, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a valuable tool for couples who want to develop deeper and more satisfying relationships with their partners. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: What I Wish I Knew about Love Taylor, 2021-02-10 |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Handbook of Attachment Interventions Terry M. Levy, 1999-11-24 The emotional attachment of a child to caregivers, and the attachment of the caregivers to the child, is of vital importance to the child's socioemotional development. Proper attachment can affect one's ability to feel and express love, moral development, motivation to achieve, and sense of identity. Modern industrial societies have seen a recent surge in attachment problems, yet there has been little information on clinical interventions for attachment disorders. The Handbook of Attachment Interventions meets this need by providing information on diverse patient populations across different therapeutic philosophies, while providing specific techniques for treating attachment disordered children and their families. The book begins with a discussion of how attachment disorders relate to subsequent antisocial behavior patterns and other disorders, as well as general issues parents may encounter with an attachment disordered child. Subsequent chapters discuss special patient populations (the adopted child, military families, etc.) and techniques for intervention.Practitioners in clinical, private practice, managed care, and hospital settings, social workers, developmental psychologists, and interested parents find the Handbook of Attachment Interventions a valuable reference. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Males With Eating Disorders Arnold E. Andersen, 2014-06-17 First published in 1990. The subject of anorexia nervosa and, more recently, bulimia nervosa in males has been a source of interest and controversy in the fields of psychiatry and medicine for more than 300 years. These disorders, sometimes called eating disorders, raise basic questions concerning the nature of abnormalities of the motivated behaviors: Are they subsets of more widely recognized illnesses such as mood disorders? Are they understandable by reference to underlying abnormalities of biochemistry or brain function? In what ways are they similar to and in what ways do they differ from anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa in females? This book will be of interest to a wide variety of people—physicians, psychologists, nurses, social workers, occupational therapists, nutritionists, educators, and all others who may be interested for personal or professional reasons. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Disorders of the Self James F. Masterson, M.D., Ralph Klein, M.D., 2013-06-17 A testament to the vitality of the Masterson Approach to the study and treatment of the disorders of the self, this incisive volume documents the evolution of Masterson's theoretical and clinical work during the past five years. It is comprised of writings by a second generation of clinicians who both carry on and expand the horizons of the Masterson Approach. Disorders of the Self addresses four new areas of great clinical importance from the perspective of developmental, self, and object relations theory. First, Ralph Klein, Clinical Director of the Masterson Institute), has combined the work of Fairburn and Guntrip with the Masterson Approach to develop and updated, broader, original and clinically useful concept of the Schizoid Disorders of the Self. The force of his approach is illustrated by the focus on the schizoid dilemma and the schizoid compromise, vividly depicted with detailed clinical applications. Candace Orcutt, Senior Faculty Member in the Masterson Institute, along with a colleague, then apply the Masterson Approach to the controversial topic of early abuse - physical and/or sexual - to the developing self. Diagnosis and treatment of narcissistic pathology is the focus of section three. Chapters further refine and expand how the disorders of the self triad - self activation leads to anxiety and depression which lead to defenses - operate in both the patient's life and in the therapeutic relationship. The authors identify and illustrate critical points in treatment, detail the technical approach to the closet narcissistic personality disorder, and address the therapeutic management of devaluation and disappointment reactions along with the countertransference reactions they evoke. The volume concludes by delving into arenas beyond individual psychotherapy for disorders of the self. An innovative approach to group therapy combines the Masterson Approach with that of W. Bion, and authors examine the complexities of drug therapy and comorbidity and their interaction with psychodynamic forces. Disorders of the Self will be a vital addition to the armamentarium of any clinician who works with personality disorders. It demonstrates the continued expansion and evolution of a profound theoretical and clinical paradigm - the Masterson Approach - aimed at penetrating and healing the disorders of the self. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: The Couple's Workbook The School of Life, 2020-02-06 Therapeutic exercises to help couples nurture patience, forgiveness and humour. Here is a workbook containing the very best exercises that any couple can undertake to help their relationship function optimally; exercises to foster understanding, patience, forgiveness, humour and resilience in the face of the many hurdles that invariably arise when you try to live with someone else for the long term. Couples are guided to have particular conversations, analyse their feelings, explain parts of themselves to one another and undertake rituals that clear the air and help recover hope and passion. The goal is always to unblock channels of feeling and improve communication. Not least, doing exercises together is – at points – simply a lot of fun. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Panic Free Tom Bunn, 2019-04-30 “HURRY, BUY THE BOOK AND TRANSFORM YOUR LIFE.” — Marla Friedman, PsyD, PC, board chairman, Badge of Life What if you could stop panic by tapping into a different part of your brain? Through natural stimulation of your vagus nerve, you can end panic and anxiety, and this book can show you how. After years of working to help sufferers of panic and anxiety, licensed therapist (and pilot) Tom Bunn discovered a highly effective solution that utilizes a part of the brain not affected by the stress hormones that bombard a person experiencing panic. This “unconscious procedural memory” can be programmed to control panic by preventing the release of stress hormones and activating the parasympathetic nervous system. This process, outlined in Panic Free, sounds complicated but is not, requiring just ten days and no drugs or doctors. Bunn includes specific instructions for dealing with common panic triggers, such as airplane travel, bridges, MRIs, and tunnels. Because panic is profoundly life-limiting, the program Bunn offers can be a real life-changer. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Tell Me No Lies Peter T. Pearson, Ellyn Bader, Judith D. Schwartz, 2001-12-14 Lying-For Better or Worse Everybody lies. Friends lie to friends. Children lie to their parents. Politicians lie to constituents. And, inevitably, husbands and wives lie to each other. Lies between lovers have tremendous potential to both nurture and destroy a relationship. It is easy to underestimate the power that lies-even seemingly harmless lies-can wield in your marriage. Tell Me No Lies explores the complexity of honesty versus deception in marriage and reveals the many reasons behind the lies we tell our partners (and ourselves). Learn the four marital stages: * The Honeymoon * Emerging Differences * Freedom * Together as Two Discover how to recognize how lying can lead to serious trouble at each stage. The signs include: * The Dark Side of the Honeymoon, when couples refuse to acknowledge any problems * The Stalemate, when couples fight and brutalize each other with exaggerated truths * Freedom Unhinged, when independence outweighs togetherness and marital anarchy ensues. Offering a new way of thinking about truth and deception, this book will help you understand the dynamics of your marriage in the context of the marital stages. If you can identify your marital stage, you can overcome the barriers to honesty and move on to a happier and more fulfilling marriage! |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: In Quest of the Mythical Mate Ellyn Bader, Peter Pearson, 2013-05-13 In Quest of the Mythical Mate presents a valuable and fertile developmental model for diagnosing and treating couples that is flexible enough to incorporate a wide variety of intervention strategies, yet purposeful enough to give a clear sense of direction to couples in distress. As such, this volume provides a powerful therapeutic approach for all professionals who treat couples. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Exaholics Lisa Marie Bobby, 2016-02-10 Severing a cherished relationship is one of the most painful experiences in life—and cutting those emotional ties to a loved one can feel almost like ending an addiction. Up till now, people recovering from other problems were able to get real help—like AA and rehab—while those struggling in the aftermath of traumatic breaks dealt with platitudes and friends insisting they should get over it already. But now Exaholics Anonymous treats getting over an ex like kicking a chemical habit. Written by counselor and therapist Dr. Lisa Bobby, Exaholics offers meaningful support and advice to anyone trapped in the obsessive pain of a broken, or dying, attachment. She helps the brokenhearted heal, showing them, on a deep level, how to develop a conceptual framework for their experience, understand the emotional processes at work inside themselves, find the path to recovery, and free themselves of shame, injured ego, and remorse. In-depth case studies of others' journeys will illuminate the way to future happiness. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: The Healthy Compulsive Gary Trosclair, 2020-02-08 Gary Trosclair explores the power of the driven personality and the positive outcomes those with obsessive compulsive personality disorder can achieve through a mindful program of harnessing the skills that can work, and altering those that serve no one. If you were born with a compulsive personality you may become rigid, controlling, and self-righteous. But you also may become productive, energetic, and conscientious. Same disposition, but very different ways of expressing it. What determines the difference? Some of the most successful and happy people in the world are compelled by powerful inner urges that are almost impossible to resist. They’re compulsive. They’re driven. But some people with a driven personality feel compelled by shame or insecurity to use their compulsive energy to prove their worth, and they lose control of the wheel of their own life. They become inflexible and critical perfectionists who need to wield control, and they lose the point of everything they do in the process. A healthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement are used consciously in the service of passion, love and purpose. An unhealthy compulsive is one whose energy and talents for achievement have been hijacked by fear and its henchman, anger. Both are driven: one by meaning, the other by dread. The Healthy Compulsive: Healing Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder and Taking the Wheel of the Driven Personality, will serve as the ultimate user’s guide for those with a driven personality, including those who have slid into obsessive-compulsive personality disorder (OCPD). Unlike OCD, which results in specific symptoms such as repetitive hand-washing and intrusive thoughts, OCPD permeates the entire personality and dramatically affects relationships. It also requires a different approach to healing. Both scientifically informed and practical, The Healthy Compulsive describes how compulsives get off track and outlines a four-step program to help them consciously cultivate the talents and passions that are the truly compelling sources of the driven personality. Drawing from his 25 years of clinical experience as a psychotherapist and Jungian psychoanalyst, and his own personal experience as someone with a driven personality, Trosclair offers understanding, inspiring stories of change, and hope to compulsives and their partners about how to move to the healthy end of the compulsive spectrum. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Distancing Martin Kantor MD, 2003-11-30 Kantor focuses on a misunderstood but common condition that brings severe and pervasive anxiety about social contacts and relationships. He offers psychotherapists a specific method for helping avoidants overcome their fear of closeness and commitments, and offers a guide for avoidants themselves to use for developing lasting, intimate, anxiety-free relationships. Fear of intimacy and commitment keeps avoidants from forming close, meaningful relationships. Types of avoidants can include confirmed bachelors, femme fatales, and people who form what appear to be solid relationships only to tire of them and leave with little warning, often devastating their partners/victims. Kantor takes us through the history of this disorder, and into clinical treatment rooms, to see and hear how avoidants think, feel, and recover. He offers psychotherapists a specific method for helping avoidants overcome their fear of closeness and commitments, and offers a guide for avoidants themselves to use for developing lasting, intimate, anxiety-free relationships. The avoidance reduction techniques presented in this book recognize that avoidants not only fear criticism and humiliation, but also fear being flooded by their feelings and being depleted if they express them. Acceptance is feared as much as rejection, because avoidants fear compromising their identity and losing personal freedom. Kantor describes the different therapeutic emphasis required for the four types of avoidants, including those who are withdrawn due to shyness and social phobia, such as people who intensely fear public speaking; those who relate easily, widely, and well, but cannot sustain relationships due to fear of closeness; those whose restlessness causes them to leave steady relationships, often without warning; and those who grow dependent on—and merge with—a single lover or family member and avoid relating to anyone else. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How to Be a Person in the World Heather Havrilesky, 2016-07-12 New York Times Bestseller • From the best advice columnist of her generation” (Esquire) comes a hilarious, frank, and witty collection of all-new responses, plus a few greatest hits from the beloved Ask Polly column in New York magazine’s The Cut. Should you quit your day job to follow your dreams? How do you rein in an overbearing mother? Will you ever stop dating wishy-washy, noncommittal guys? Should you put off having a baby for your career? Heather Havrilesky is here to guide you through the “what if’s” and “I don’t knows” of modern life with the signature wisdom and tough love her readers have come to expect. Whether she’s responding to cheaters or loners, lovers or haters, the anxious or the down-and-out, Havrilesky writes with equal parts grace, humor, and compassion to remind you that even in your darkest moments you’re not alone. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Running on Empty No More Jonice Webb, 2017-11-07 “Opens doors to richer, more connected relationships by naming the elephant in the room ‘Childhood Emotional Neglect’” (Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen Lakelly Hunt, PhD, authors of the New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want). Since the publication of Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, many thousands of people have learned that invisible Childhood Emotional Neglect, or CEN, has been weighing on them their entire lives, and are now in the process of recovery. Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships will offer even more solutions for the effects of CEN on people’s lives: how to talk about CEN, and heal it, in relationships with partners, parents, and children. “Filled with examples of well-meaning people struggling in their relationships, Jonice Webb not only illustrates what’s missing between adults and their parents, husbands, and their wives, and parents and their children; she also explains exactly what to do about it.” —Terry Real, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker and author, Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, Oprah, and The New York Times “You will find practical solutions for everyday life to heal yourself and your relationships. This is a terrific new resource that I will be recommending to many clients now and in the future!” —Dr. Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: See-Through Marriage Ryan Frederick, Selena Frederick, 2020-05-05 Marriage is all about sharing: sharing space, sharing joys and sorrows, sharing hopes and dreams. Yet we often hold back a part of ourselves because we fear that being wholly transparent--about our past, our desires, our failures, our faults--will bring judgment, rejection, or even just unwanted friction to our relationship. We are afraid to be fully known. As a result, we never experience being fully loved. Fierce Marriage authors Ryan and Selena Frederick think your marriage deserves better. In this new, paradigm-shifting book, they show you how to develop a see-through marriage, one that is marked by full transparency and confident vulnerability. Through personal stories, testimonies from other couples, and biblical truth, they make the case that living authentically in front of each other is the only way to experience love the way we were designed to. If you desire an honest, no-holding-back marriage where you are fully known, fully accepted, and fully loved, you need this book. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Affair Healing Tim Tedder, 2017-02-06 |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: What Makes Love Last? John Gottman, John Mordechai Gottman, Nan Silver, 2013-09-10 One of the foremost relationship experts at work today offers creative insight on building trust and avoiding betrayal, helping readers to decode the mysteries of healthy love and relationships-- |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Eight Dates John Gottman, Julie Schwartz Gottman, Doug Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams, 2019-02-05 Whether you’re newly together and eager to make it work or a longtime couple looking to strengthen and deepen your bond, Eight Dates offers a program of how, why, and when to have eight basic conversations with your partner that can result in a lifetime of love. “Happily ever after” is not by chance, it’s by choice– the choice each person in a relationship makes to remain open, remain curious, and, most of all, to keep talking to one another. From award-winning marriage researcher and bestselling author Dr. John Gottman and fellow researcher Julie Gottman, Eight Dates offers an ingenious and simple-to-implement approach to effective relationship communication. Here are the subjects that every serious couple should discuss: Trust. Family. Sex and intimacy. Dealing with conflict. Work and money. Dreams, and more. And here is how to talk about them—how to broach subjects that are difficult or embarrassing, how to be brave enough to say what you really feel. There are also suggestions for where and when to go on each date—book your favorite romantic restaurant for the Sex & Intimacy conversation (and maybe go to a yoga or dance class beforehand). There are questionnaires, innovative exercises, real-life case studies, and skills to master, including the Four Skills of Intimate Conversation and the Art of Listening. Because making love last is not about having a certain feeling—it’s about both of you being active and involved. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How to Choose a Partner Susan Quilliam, 2017-01-03 We don’t have all the answers—but we can help you choose a partner. Choosing a romantic partner is one of contemporary life’s biggest adventures. But other aspects of modern living—being globally more mobile, a fall in religious belief, social liberalization, and more job opportunities (but longer working hours)—mean relationships have rarely been so challenging, and so important. In How to Choose a Partner, Susan Quilliam guides us through the process of finding the right partner for us as individuals. The real challenge is that we grow. Drawing upon rich cultural material, psychology, and her background in relationship therapy, Susan presents partner choice as a journey toward self-development, driving us to learn more about ourselves, about other people, and about life and the way we want to live. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How to Not Die Alone Logan Ury, 2021-02-02 A “must-read” (The Washington Post) funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives—they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including whom to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love. Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how. This “simple-to-use guide” (Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone) focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn: -What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern) -What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t) -How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you) -How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love) -How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews) -Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway) This “data-driven” (Time), step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Just Listen Mark Goulston, 2015-03-04 Getting through to someone is a critical, fine art. Whether you are dealing with a harried colleague, a stressed-out client, or an insecure spouse, things will go from bad to worse if you can't break through emotional barricades and get your message thoroughly communicated and registered. Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and coach, author Mark Goulston combines his background with the latest scientific research to help you turn the “impossible” and “unreachable” people in their lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends. In Just Listen, Goulston provides simple yet powerful techniques you can use to really get through to people including how to: make a powerful and positive first impression; listen effectively; make even a total stranger (potential client) feel understood; talk an angry or aggressive person away from an instinctual, unproductive reaction and toward a more rational mindset; and achieve buy-in--the linchpin of all persuasion, negotiation, and sales. Whether they're coworkers, friends, strangers, or enemies, the first make-or-break step in persuading anyone to do anything is getting them to hear you out. The invaluable principles in Just Listen will get you through that first tough step with anyone. With this groundbreaking book, you will be able to master the fine but critical art of effective communication. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: How to Fix a Broken Heart Guy Winch, 2018-02-13 Imagine if we treated broken hearts with the same respect and concern we have for broken arms? Psychologist Guy Winch urges us to rethink the way we deal with emotional pain, offering warm, wise, and witty advice for the broken-hearted. Real heartbreak is unmistakable. We think of nothing else. We feel nothing else. We care about nothing else. Yet while we wouldn’t expect someone to return to daily activities immediately after suffering a broken limb, heartbroken people are expected to function normally in their lives, despite the emotional pain they feel. Now psychologist Guy Winch imagines how different things would be if we paid more attention to this unique emotion—if only we can understand how heartbreak works, we can begin to fix it. Through compelling research and new scientific studies, Winch reveals how and why heartbreak impacts our brain and our behavior in dramatic and unexpected ways, regardless of our age. Emotional pain lowers our ability to reason, to think creatively, to problem solve, and to function at our best. In How to Fix a Broken Heart he focuses on two types of emotional pain—romantic heartbreak and the heartbreak that results from the loss of a cherished pet. These experiences are both accompanied by severe grief responses, yet they are not deemed as important as, for example, a formal divorce or the loss of a close relative. As a result, we are often deprived of the recognition, support, and compassion afforded to those whose heartbreak is considered more significant. Our heart might be broken, but we do not have to break with it. Winch reveals that recovering from heartbreak always starts with a decision, a determination to move on when our mind is fighting to keep us stuck. We can take control of our lives and our minds and put ourselves on the path to healing. Winch offers a toolkit on how to handle and cope with a broken heart and how to, eventually, move on. |
| questions to ask avoidant partner: Be Happily Married Abby Medcalf, 2018-12-21 ARE YOU READY TO? Feel Closer and More Connected to Your Partner? Stop Having the Same Argument Over and Over? Be Happier and Finally Make Changes that Stick? It's not too late. You can reclaim your relationship AND your happiness. You just need to have the right tools to finally make it happen. Over the last 30 years I've helped thousands of people like you create connection and happiness in their relationships. Combining my hands-on experience and the latest research, I've created a proven system to transform any relationship into a connected, communication machine. My goal is, above all, to provide practical, usable tools that WORK -- not unproven ideas or pie-in-the-sky theories that sound good but do little to help you in your day-to-day life. You can create the relationship of your dreams, even if you're partner won't do a thing! In this book, you'll learn: The secret to why your past attempts at change haven't lasted. Effective tools to get your relationship unstuck, quickly and easily. How small, simple steps can get you BIG results, no matter how long you've struggled. The keys to creating a happy and connected relationship. The level of happiness in your life is DIRECTLY related to the level of happiness in your relationship. This is the last relationship book you'll ever have to read because I'll show you exactly how to get there. |
How Should a Christian Respond to Hatred and Hostility?
Seeking to follow Christ will often lead to being wrongfully criticized and hated. Jesus said to His followers, “I have chosen you out of the world.
What Did Jesus Mean When He Gave Peter the “Keys of the …
After Jesus had declared that He would build His church on the truth of Peter’s noble confession, He went on to say, “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on earth …
If a Christian Believer is Already Saved, Why is ... - Questions.org
Jesus linked repentance with salvation (Matthew 4:17; Luke 13:3; 17:3). In Acts 2:38, the term repentance includes the element of faith. Paul in Ephesus preached turning “to God in …
Are Today’s Jews the Physical Descendants of Abraham
Israel is the name God gave Jacob on the night he wrestled with the angel (Genesis 32:28). As a group, his sons along with the 12 tribes that descended from them inherited the name. Although …
Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance? - Questions.org
Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done.
Should Christians keep the Old Testament feasts? - Questions.org
We enjoy exploring the symbolism of the Old Testament feasts, but we don’t recommend that Christians observe them on a regular basis. The feasts of the Old Testament were intended to be …
Does Jesus Expect His Followers to Give Up All of Their
Does the passage about the rich young ruler teach that Jesus expects His followers to give up all of their possessions to follow Him?
Does James 2:10 imply that God doesn’t consider some sins more …
James 2:10 states: “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble at one point, he is guilty of all” (nkjv). Some people have mistakenly thought that this verse means that all sins are equa…
What’s the Difference Between Sinful Anger and Godly Anger?
When monitoring our anger, it is important to understand that much of our anger is fueled by a hatred of injustice, whether real or perceived.
How Can I Serve Others Without Feeling Like a Doormat?
No one wants to be a doormat. But if we haven’t put healthy limits in place, we can easily end up feeling used up and stepped on.
How Should a Christian Respond to Hatred and Hostility?
Seeking to follow Christ will often lead to being wrongfully criticized and hated. Jesus said to His followers, “I have chosen you out of the world.
What Did Jesus Mean When He Gave Peter the “Keys of the …
After Jesus had declared that He would build His church on the truth of Peter’s noble confession, He went on to say, “I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven; whatever you bind on …
If a Christian Believer is Already Saved, Why is ... - Questions.org
Jesus linked repentance with salvation (Matthew 4:17; Luke 13:3; 17:3). In Acts 2:38, the term repentance includes the element of faith. Paul in Ephesus preached turning “to God in …
Are Today’s Jews the Physical Descendants of Abraham
Israel is the name God gave Jacob on the night he wrestled with the angel (Genesis 32:28). As a group, his sons along with the 12 tribes that descended from them inherited the name. …
Should I Offer Forgiveness Without Repentance? - Questions.org
Unconditional forgiveness is canceling a debt to all those who intentionally offend us, whether or not they own up to what they have done.
Should Christians keep the Old Testament feasts? - Questions.org
We enjoy exploring the symbolism of the Old Testament feasts, but we don’t recommend that Christians observe them on a regular basis. The feasts of the Old Testament were intended to …
Does Jesus Expect His Followers to Give Up All of Their
Does the passage about the rich young ruler teach that Jesus expects His followers to give up all of their possessions to follow Him?
Does James 2:10 imply that God doesn’t consider some sins more …
James 2:10 states: “For whoever shall keep the whole law, and yet stumble at one point, he is guilty of all” (nkjv). Some people have mistakenly thought that this verse means that all sins …
What’s the Difference Between Sinful Anger and Godly Anger?
When monitoring our anger, it is important to understand that much of our anger is fueled by a hatred of injustice, whether real or perceived.
How Can I Serve Others Without Feeling Like a Doormat?
No one wants to be a doormat. But if we haven’t put healthy limits in place, we can easily end up feeling used up and stepped on.
