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| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Attached Amir Levine, Rachel Heller, 2010-12-30 “Over a decade after its publication, one book on dating has people firmly in its grip.” —The New York Times We already rely on science to tell us what to eat, when to exercise, and how long to sleep. Why not use science to help us improve our relationships? In this revolutionary book, psychiatrist and neuroscientist Dr. Amir Levine and Rachel Heller scientifically explain why some people seem to navigate relationships effortlessly, while others struggle. Discover how an understanding of adult attachment—the most advanced relationship science in existence today—can help us find and sustain love. Pioneered by psychologist John Bowlby in the 1950s, the field of attachment posits that each of us behaves in relationships in one of three distinct ways: • Anxious people are often preoccupied with their relationships and tend to worry about their partner's ability to love them back. • Avoidant people equate intimacy with a loss of independence and constantly try to minimize closeness. • Secure people feel comfortable with intimacy and are usually warm and loving. Attached guides readers in determining what attachment style they and their mate (or potential mate) follow, offering a road map for building stronger, more fulfilling connections with the people they love. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Taming Your Outer Child Susan Anderson, 2011-01-25 FINALLY, THE BREAKTHROUGH BOOK THAT PUTS YOU BACK IN CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE Most of us have met our Outer Child once too often. The self-sabotaging, bungling, and impulsive part of the personality. This misguided, hidden nemesis—the devil on your shoulder—blows your diet, overspends, and ruins your love life. A menacing older sibling to your emotionally needy Inner Child, your Outer Child acts out and fulfills your legitimate childlike needs and wants in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and in counterproductive ways: It goes for immediate gratification and the quick fix in spite of your best-laid plans. Food, attention, emotional release—your Outer Child usually gets what it wants, and your Adult self can feel powerless to stop it. Now, in a revolutionary rethinking of the link between emotion and behavior, veteran psychotherapist and theoretician Susan Anderson offers a three-step, paradigm-shifting program to tame your Outer Child’s destructive behavior. This dynamic, transformational set of strategies—action steps that act like physical therapy for the brain—calms your Inner Child, strengthens your Adult Self and releases you from the self-blame and shame that are the root of Outer Child issues, and paves new neural pathways that can lead to more productive behavior. Discover • the common Outer Child personality types, including the Drama Queen; the Master of Disguise; My Way or No Way; and Love the Getting, not the Having • proven techniques to resolve underlying sources of self-sabotage • insights that will allow you to stop blaming your supposed “lack of willpower” for your problems • key strategies for healing the painful issues of your past • mental exercises that effectively deal with Outer Child challenges around food, procrastination, love, debt, depression, and more As your head, heart, and behavior come together and learn to help, not hurt, one another, your strong Adult Self, contented Inner child, and tamed Outer child will become a reality. The result is happiness and fulfillment, self-mastery, and self-love. From the Hardcover edition. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The Journey from Abandonment to Healing Susan Anderson, 2000-03-01 Like Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross's groundbreaking On Death and Dying, Susan Anderson's book clearly defines the five phases of a different kind of grieving--grieving over a lost relationship. An experienced professional who has specialized in helping people with loss, heartbreak, and abandonment for more than two decades, Susan Anderson gives this subject the serious attention it deserves. The Journey From Abandonment to Healing is designed to help all victims of emotional breakups--whether they are suffering from a recent loss, or a lingering wound from the past; whether they are caught up in patterns that sabotage their own relationships, or they're in a relationship where they no longer feel loved. From the first stunning blow to starting over, it provides a complete program for abandonment recovery. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Center of the Cyclone John Lilly, 2009-05-01 In this long-out-of-print counterculture classic, Dr. John C. Lilly takes readers behind the scenes into the inner life of a scientist exploring inner space, or “far-out spaces,” as Lilly called them. The book explains how he derived his theory of the operations of the human mind and brain from his personal experiences and experiments in solitude, isolation, and confinement; LSD; and other methods of mystical experience. It also includes glimpses into Lilly's friendship with such 1960s' notables as Oscar Ichazo, Ram Dass, Timothy Leary, Albert Hofmann, Fritz Perls, and Claudio Narajo. Written for the non-specialist, Center of the Cyclone shows an important, modern thinker at his most personal and profound. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Silently Seduced Kenneth M. Adams, 2011-09-01 When a parent singles out a child for special privileges and attention, that child is often unaware that the relationship is unhealthy—even incestuous. As adults, these children struggle to feel validated, because while they have not been directly abused, they feel a sense of violation and crossed boundaries—usually done in the name of 'love' and 'caring.' The parent's love feels more confining than freeing, more demanding than giving, more intrusive than nurturing. Yet these children suffer from what psychologist Kenneth Adams calls The Silent Seduction—because there is nothing loving or caring about a close parent-child relationship that services the needs of the parent rather than the child. In this revised and updated 20th anniversary edition of his groundbreaking book Silently Seduced, Dr. Adams explains how 'feeling close,' especially with the opposite-sex parent, is not the source of comfort the image suggests, especially when that child is cheated out of a childhood by being a parent's surrogate partner. He offers a framework to understand this covert incest and its effect on sexuality, intimacy, and relationships, and how victims can begin the process of recovery. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The Abandonment Recovery Workbook Susan Anderson, 2016-07-15 A powerful workshop-in-a-book for healing from loss One day everything is fine. The next, you find yourself without everything you took for granted. Love has turned sour. The people you depended on have let you down. You feel you’ll never love again. But there is a way out. In The Abandonment Recovery Workbook, the only book of its kind, psychotherapist and abandonment expert Susan Anderson explores the seemingly endless pain of heartbreak and shows readers how to break free—whether the heartbreak comes from a divorce, a breakup, a death, or the loss of friendship, health, a job, or a dream. From the first shock of despair through the waves of hopelessness to the tentative efforts to make new connections, The Abandonment Recovery Workbook provides an itinerary for recovery. A manual for individuals or support groups, it includes exercises that the author has tested and developed through her decades of expertise in abandonment recovery. Anderson provides concrete recovery tools and exercises to discover and heal underlying issues, identify self-defeating behaviors of mistrust and insecurity, and build self-esteem. Guiding you through the five stages of your journey—shattering, withdrawal, internalizing, rage, and lifting—this book (a new edition of Anderson’s Journey from Heartbreak to Connection) serves as a source of strength. You will come away with a new sense of self—a self with an increased capacity to love. Praise for Susan Anderson’s The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: “If there can be a pill to cure the heartbreak of rejection, this book may be it.” — Rabbi Harold Kushner, bestselling author of When Bad Things Happen to Good People |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The Primal Wound Nancy Newton Verrier, 2009 Originally published in 1993, this classic piece of literature on adoption has revolutionised the way people think about adopted children. Nancy Verrier examines the life-long consequences of the 'primal wound' - the wound that is caused when a child is separated from its mother - for adopted people. Her argument is supported by thorough research in pre- and perinatal psychology, attachment, bonding and the effects of loss. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: How We Love, Expanded Edition Milan Yerkovich, Kay Yerkovich, 2009-01-20 Did you know the last fight you had with your spouse began long before you even met? Are you tired of falling into frustrating relational patterns in your marriage? Do you and your spouse fight about the same things again and again? Relationship experts Milan and Kay Yerkovich explain why the ways you and your spouse relate to each other go back to before you even met. Drawing on the powerful tool of attachment theory, Milan and Kay explore how your childhood created an “intimacy imprint” that affects your marriage today. Their stories and practical ideas help you: * identify your personal love style * understand how your early life impacts you and your spouse * break free from painful patterns that keep you stuck * find healing for the source of conflict, not just the symptoms * create the close, nourishing relationship you dream about Revised throughout with all-new material and additional visual diagrams, this expanded edition of How We Love will bring vibrant life to your marriage. Are you ready for a new journey of love? Note: The revised and expanded How We Love Workbook is available separately. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Safe House Joshua Straub, PhD, 2015-10-20 Parenting isn't rocket science, it's just brain surgery. And Dr. Joshua Straub has good news for you: You can do it! You don’t need to do all the “right” things as a parent. Both science and the Bible show us that the most important thing we can provide for our kids is a place of emotional safety. In other words, the posture from which we parent matters infinitely more than the techniques of parenting. Emotional safety—more than any other factor—is scientifically linked to raising kids who live, love, and lead well. Learn how to use emotional safety as a foundation from which you parent—and make a cultural impact that could change the world! In Safe House, Dr. Straub draws from his extensive research and personal experience to help you: - Foster healthy identity and social development in children of any age - Win the war without getting overwhelmed in the daily battles - Discipline in a way that builds relationship - Understand how the culture is affecting your child and what you can do about it - Cultivate responsible, self-regulating behavior in your kids - Establish an unshakeable sense of faith, morality, and values in your home - Feel more confident and peaceful as a parent - Find a greater perspective on parenting than what you might see on a daily basis Also includes a Safe House Parenting Assessment. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Daughters of Divorce Terry Gaspard MSW, LICSW, Tracy Clifford, 2016-01-19 Restore your faith in love and build healthy, successful relationships with this essential guide for every woman haunted by her parents' divorce. Silver Medal Independent Publisher's Award Winner of the Best Book Award in Self-Help: Relationships Over 40 percent of Americans ages eighteen to forty are children of divorce. Yet women with divorced parents are more than twice as likely than men to get divorced themselves and struggle in romantic relationships. In this powerful, uplifting guide, mother-daughter team Terry and Tracy draws on thirty years of clinical practice and interviews with over 320 daughters of divorce to help you recognize and overcome the unique emotional issues that parental separation creates so you can build the happy, long-lasting relationships you deserve. Learn how to: Examine your parents' breakup from an adult perspective Heal the wounds of the past Recognize destructive dynamics in intimate relationships and take steps to change them Trust yourself and others by embracing vulnerability Create strong partnerships with their proven Seven Steps to a Successful Relationship Break the divorce legacy once and for all! |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Hiding from Love John Townsend, 2001 We learn in childhood to hide from pain, and often continue hiding our hurt from God and others in adulthood. Here Townsend presents a scriptural approach to help us identify these unhealthy withdrawal patterns and find healing, freedom and security in connected, grace-filled relationships. Includes discussion guide. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Running on Empty No More Jonice Webb, 2017-11-07 “Opens doors to richer, more connected relationships by naming the elephant in the room ‘Childhood Emotional Neglect’” (Harville Hendrix, PhD & Helen Lakelly Hunt, PhD, authors of the New York Times bestseller Getting the Love You Want). Since the publication of Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect, many thousands of people have learned that invisible Childhood Emotional Neglect, or CEN, has been weighing on them their entire lives, and are now in the process of recovery. Running on Empty No More: Transform Your Relationships will offer even more solutions for the effects of CEN on people’s lives: how to talk about CEN, and heal it, in relationships with partners, parents, and children. “Filled with examples of well-meaning people struggling in their relationships, Jonice Webb not only illustrates what’s missing between adults and their parents, husbands, and their wives, and parents and their children; she also explains exactly what to do about it.” —Terry Real, internationally recognized family therapist, speaker and author, Good Morning America, The Today Show, 20/20, Oprah, and The New York Times “You will find practical solutions for everyday life to heal yourself and your relationships. This is a terrific new resource that I will be recommending to many clients now and in the future!” —Dr. Karyl McBride, author of Will I Ever Be Good Enough? |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The Distance Between Us Reyna Grande, 2012-08-28 In this inspirational and unflinchingly honest memoir, acclaimed author Reyna Grande describes her childhood torn between the United States and Mexico, and shines a light on the experiences, fears, and hopes of those who choose to make the harrowing journey across the border. Reyna Grande vividly brings to life her tumultuous early years in this “compelling...unvarnished, resonant” (BookPage) story of a childhood spent torn between two parents and two countries. As her parents make the dangerous trek across the Mexican border to “El Otro Lado” (The Other Side) in pursuit of the American dream, Reyna and her siblings are forced into the already overburdened household of their stern grandmother. When their mother at last returns, Reyna prepares for her own journey to “El Otro Lado” to live with the man who has haunted her imagination for years, her long-absent father. Funny, heartbreaking, and lyrical, The Distance Between Us poignantly captures the confusion and contradictions of childhood, reminding us that the joys and sorrows we experience are imprinted on the heart forever, calling out to us of those places we first called home. Also available in Spanish as La distancia entre nosotros. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Heartwounds Tian Dayton, 2023-01-24 Trauma has been defined as an interruption of an affiliative or relationship bond. If left unsettled, past grief and psychological trauma can continue to impact our adult relationships and cause us pain in our entire lives. It's possible we may not even realize what is happening to us because usually relationships fail in parts rather than in total. Early childhood losses or traumas can create pain that is relived in adult intimate relationships. Intimacy can provide both an arena for re-enacting old pain and/or healing it. In this fascinating work, noted psychodramatist Tian Dayton shows readers how relationships can be used as a vehicle for healing, personal growth and spiritual transformation. Through fascinating case studies and probing exercises, Dayton helps readers get in touch with the deepest parts of themselves and heal the wounds that plague them. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) American Psychiatric Association, 2021-09-24 |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Breathing Room Elayne Savage, 2016-08-23 Is resentment eating away at your relationship? Are you tired of hurt feelings and misunderstandings? Would you like to rebuild connection and intimacy? Breathing Room provides practical tips to improve all relationships: --Balance your needs --Improve communication, teamwork, and trust --Bounce back from disappointments, hurt, and differences Breathing Room gives you the tools to take your relationship skills to a new level |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Primal Loss Leila Miller, 2017-05-20 Seventy now-adult children of divorce give their candid and often heart-wrenching answers to eight questions (arranged in eight chapters, by question), including: What were the main effects of your parents' divorce on your life? What do you say to those who claim that children are resilient and children are happy when their parents are happy? What would you like to tell your parents then and now? What do you want adults in our culture to know about divorce? What role has your faith played in your healing? Their simple and poignant responses are difficult to read and yet not without hope. Most of the contributors--women and men, young and old, single and married--have never spoken of the pain and consequences of their parents' divorce until now. They have often never been asked, and they believe that no one really wants to know. Despite vastly different circumstances and details, the similarities in their testimonies are striking; as the reader will discover, the death of a child's family impacts the human heart in universal ways. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Wired for Love Stan Tatkin, 2024-06-01 Invaluable for so many partners looking to reconnect and grow closer together. —Gwyneth Paltrow, founder and CEO of goop Stan Tatkin can be entirely followed into the towering infernos of our most painful relationship challenges. —Alanis Morissette, artist, activist, and wholeness advocate The complete “insider’s guide” to understanding your partner’s brain, sparking lasting connection, and enjoying a romantic relationship built on love and trust—now with more than 170,000 copies sold. “What the heck is my partner thinking?” “Why do they always react like this?” “How can we get back that connection we had in the beginning?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you aren’t alone, and it doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. Every person is wired for love differently—with different habits, needs, and reactions to conflict. The good news is that most people’s minds work in predictable ways and respond well to security, attachment, and routines, making it possible to neurologically prime the brain for greater love and connection and fewer conflicts. This go-to guide will show you how. Drawn from neuroscience, attachment theory, and emotion regulation, this highly anticipated second edition of Wired for Love presents cutting-edge research on how and why love lasts, and offers ten guiding principles that can improve any relationship. This fully revised and updated edition also includes new guidance on how to manage disagreements, as well as new exercises to help you create a sense of safety and security, establish healthy conflict ground rules, and deal with the threat of the third—any outside source which threatens the harmony in your relationship, including in-laws, alcohol, children, and affairs. You’ll find proven-effective strategies to help you strengthen your relationship by: Creating and maintaining a safe “couple bubble” Using morning and evening routines to stay connected Learning how to see your partner’s point of view Meeting each other halfway in a fight Becoming the expert on what makes your partner feel loved By using simple gestures and words, you’ll learn to put out emotional fires and help your partner feel appreciated and loved. You’ll also discover how to move past a “warring brain” mentality and toward a more cooperative “loving brain.” Most importantly, you’ll gain a better understanding of the complex dynamics at work behind love and trust in intimate relationships. While there’s no doubt that love is an inexact science, if you understand how you and your partner are wired differently, you can overcome your differences, and create a lasting intimate connection. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Coming Home to Passion Ruth Cohn, 2011-02-18 This book offers a detailed road map for overcoming sexual and relationship impasses originating from painful childhood experiences. Large numbers of adults with histories of childhood trauma and neglect suffer persistent relationship and sexual difficulties. Unfortunately, most have failed to receive adequate help with emerging from these deep and complex problems. Coming Home to Passion: Restoring Loving Sexuality in Couples with Histories of Childhood Trauma and Neglect explores the enduring impacts—physiological, psychological, and behavioral—of childhood trauma and neglect. Author Ruth Cohn, drawing on 25 years of experience working with trauma survivors and their partners and families, lays out a practical and actionable course for recovery in clear, accessible language. This book provides direction and hope to those with trauma backgrounds while also serving as a unique resource for professional readers. Integrating in-depth information on attachment and relationship, trauma and neglect, and sexuality, Cohn details a practical, hands-on treatment approach for revitalizing love, health, and passion. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Running on Empty Jonice Webb, 2012-10-01 A large segment of the population struggles with feelings of being detached from themselves and their loved ones. They feel flawed, and blame themselves. Running on Empty will help them realize that they're suffering not because of something that happened to them in childhood, but because of something that didn't happen. It's the white space in their family picture, the background rather than the foreground. This will be the first self-help book to bring this invisible force to light, educate people about it, and teach them how to overcome it. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Anxiety in Relationships Aria Mind, 2020-11-24 Do you want to learn the 7 mindset shifts to overcome the fear of abandonment, stop codependency, and manage jealousy and insecurity in love? By the time you have finished reading this book, you will know exactly how to cure your fear, pain, and insecurity in love relationships. Anxiety is a mental and emotional disorder characterized by nervousness, panic, fearfulness, apprehension and worry. An anxious person is worried about many different things and people. Anxiety can affect young people as well as adults. It is one of the most common mental disorders in the United States, affecting more than 40 million people. Anxiety in a relationship can be seen as one of the most excruciating and unbearable experiences in life. Fear of abandonment, codependency, jealousy and insecurity are the main reasons for anxiety in relationships. If one or both partners are hypersensitive, insecure, and do not have healthy boundaries, they would become prey to constant anxiety, destroy their relationship and get separated. The following are the signs and symptoms of anxiety in a relationship: FEELING THAT SOMEONE, ESPECIALLY THE PARTNER, MAY ABANDON YOU DIFFICULTY IN TRUSTING THAT THE PARTNER WILL BE THERE FOR YOU DISSATISFACTION AND SENSE OF SOMETHING IS LACKING IN THE RELATIONSHIP FEELING IN CONSTANT SURVIVAL MODE WITH THE PARTNER NEEDING CONSTANT REASSURANCE, ATTENTION AND COMFORT FROM THE PARTNER. FEARFUL OF DISAPPROVAL AND REJECTION FEELING ALWAYS INSECURE IN THE RELATIONSHIP I suppose you are currently facing anxiety in your relationship. To cure your anxiety, you need to know how to reprogram your mind, and this book will help you to do that. Anxiety in relationship can be cured by the end of this book. Grab This Book Now! |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Lovelands Debra Campbell, 2017-03-01 Love is a wild and diverse land. Every soul needs a map. Nothing is more important to us than love, yet nothing is more painful than love gone wrong. During the course of our lives, we can develop dangerous faultlines and crevasses in our inner emotional landscapes due to past hurts, losses and disappointments. Lovelands is psychologist Dr Debra Campbell’s map for traversing the treacherous terrain of love and cultivating the wisdom and self-compassion for healthy love relationships. Drawing on her own knowledge and experiences of dysfunctional love relationships throughout her life and work, Dr Campbell shows you how to become aware of your personal Lovelands so you can locate and identify your faultlines, avoid repeating negative patterns and become empowered to make different choices. Whether you’re a parent to others, a lover to another, or working on the care of your own soul, Lovelands will help you make sense of love, from birth to death, and guide you in claiming the role of the hero of your own life and sovereign of your own Lovelands. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The No Contact Rule Natalie Lue, 2013-06-14 You're trying to get over your ex, yet you're still in touch and have ended up being their back-up plan. Maybe you haven't left yet, but you want to and just don't know how. Maybe you're tired of doing the lather, rinse, repeat of getting back together and winding back at square one. It's time to cut contact. The No Contact Rule is an inspiring guide to extinguishing the temptation to stay in touch or to keep engaging, helping you to reclaim your sense of self and move on to a healthier relationship. Through her popular blog Baggage Reclaim, Natalie Lue has helped thousands of people break free from unhealthy relationships and breakups after using No Contact to kick a toxic relationship and transform her life. Discover what 'NC' is and how to do it, how to break an unhealthy cycle and navigate various situations - from Facebook to pesky texts, working together, sharing a child or feeling trapped by your feelings and thoughts. Cut contact and put the focus on you. By treating you with the love, care, trust and respect you deserve, this could be one of the best decisions you've ever made. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Love Me, Don't Leave Me Michelle Skeen, 2014-09-01 Everyone thrives on love, comfort, and the safety of family, friends, and community. But if you are denied these basic comforts early in life, whether through a lack of physical affection or emotional bonding, you may develop intense fears of abandonment that can last well into adulthood—fears so powerful that they can actually cause you to push people away. If you suffer from fears of abandonment, you may have underlying feelings of anger, shame, fear, anxiety, depression, and grief. These emotions are intense and painful, and when they surface they can lead to a number of negative behaviors, such as jealousy, clinging, and emotional blackmail. In Love Me, Don’t Leave Me, therapist Michelle Skeen combines acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), schema therapy, and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) to help you identify the root of your fears. In this book you’ll learn how schema coping behaviors—deeply entrenched and automatic behaviors rooted in childhood experiences and fears—can take over and cause you to inadvertently sabotage your relationships. By recognizing these coping behaviors and understanding their cause, you will not only gain powerful insights into your own mind, but also into the minds of those around you. If you are ready to break the self-fulfilling cycle of mistrust, clinginess, and heartbreak and start building lasting, trusting relationships, this book will be your guide. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Black Swan Susan Anderson, 2018-06-11 Black Swan is a symbol for healing, a spirit guide for overcoming the woundedness of abandonment. Black Swan: The Twelve Lessons of Abandonment Recovery is a self-help tool, a supplement for personal growth. Black Swan provides twelve lessons for healing from the loss of love. It is presented as an allegorical tale of a child who meets a magical black swan after she is abandoned in the forest by her father. This story within a story includes the author’s own experience with loss. The book provides emotional and spiritual healing to those going through heartbreak, loss, and abandonment. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Boarding School Syndrome Joy Schaverien, 2015-06-05 Boarding School Syndrome is an analysis of the trauma of the 'privileged' child sent to boarding school at a young age. Innovative and challenging, Joy Schaverien offers a psychological analysis of the long-established British and colonial preparatory and public boarding school tradition. Richly illustrated with pictures and the narratives of adult ex-boarders in psychotherapy, the book demonstrates how some forms of enduring distress in adult life may be traced back to the early losses of home and family. Developed from clinical research and informed by attachment and child development theories ‘Boarding School Syndrome’ is a new term that offers a theoretical framework on which the psychotherapeutic treatment of ex-boarders may build. Divided into four parts, History: In the Name of Privilege; Exile and Healing; Broken Attachments: A Hidden Trauma, and The Boarding School Body, the book includes vivid case studies of ex-boarders in psychotherapy. Their accounts reveal details of the suffering endured: loss, bereavement and captivity are sometimes compounded by physical, sexual and psychological abuse. Here, Joy Schaverien shows how many boarders adopt unconscious coping strategies including dissociative amnesia resulting in a psychological split between the 'home self' and the 'boarding school self'. This pattern may continue into adult life, causing difficulties in intimate relationships, generalized depression and separation anxiety amongst other forms of psychological distress. Boarding School Syndrome demonstrates how boarding school may damage those it is meant to be a reward and discusses the wider implications of this tradition. It will be essential reading for psychoanalysts, Jungian analysts, psychotherapists, art psychotherapists, counsellors and others interested in the psychological, cultural and international legacy of this tradition including ex-boarders and their partners. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Codependency For Dummies Darlene Lancer, 2012-04-06 Codependency is much more widespread than originally thought. You don’t even have to be in a relationship. Codependents have trouble accepting themselves, so they hide who they are to be accepted by someone else. Codependency for Dummies is the most comprehensive book on the topic to date. It describes the history, symptoms, causes, and relationship dynamics of codependency and provides self-assessment questionnaires. The majority of the book is devoted to healing and lays out a clear plan for recovery with exercises, practical advice, and helpful daily reminders to help you know, honor, protect, and express yourself. It clarifies deep psychological dynamics that underlie codependency, yet is written in a conversational style that’s easily understandable by everyone. You will learn: How to raise your self-esteem The difference between care-giving and codependent care-taking The difference between healthy and dysfunctional families How to set boundaries How to separate responsibility for yourself and for others How to overcome guilt and resentment |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: A Little Life Hanya Yanagihara, 2016-01-26 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • A stunning “portrait of the enduring grace of friendship” (NPR) about the families we are born into, and those that we make for ourselves. A masterful depiction of love in the twenty-first century. NATIONAL BOOK AWARD FINALIST • MAN BOOKER PRIZE FINALIST • WINNER OF THE KIRKUS PRIZE A Little Life follows four college classmates—broke, adrift, and buoyed only by their friendship and ambition—as they move to New York in search of fame and fortune. While their relationships, which are tinged by addiction, success, and pride, deepen over the decades, the men are held together by their devotion to the brilliant, enigmatic Jude, a man scarred by an unspeakable childhood trauma. A hymn to brotherly bonds and a masterful depiction of love in the twenty-first century, Hanya Yanagihara’s stunning novel is about the families we are born into, and those that we make for ourselves. Look for Hanya Yanagihara’s latest bestselling novel, To Paradise. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Loving Bravely Alexandra H. Solomon, 2017-02-02 As seen on The TODAY Show! “A godsend to anyone searching for, but struggling to find, true love in their lives.” —Kristin Neff, PhD, author of Self-Compassion Empowering and compassionate, and its lessons are universal. —Publishers Weekly Real love starts with you. In order to attract a life partner and build a healthy intimate relationship, you must first become a good partner to yourself. This book offers twenty invaluable lessons that will help you explore and commit to your own emotional and psychological well-being so you can be ready, resilient, and confident in love. Many of us enter into romantic relationships full of expectation and hope, only to be sorely disappointed by the realization that the partner we’ve selected is a flawed human being with their own neuroses, history, and desires. Most relationships end because one or both people haven’t done the internal work necessary to develop self-awareness and take responsibility for their own experiences. We’ve all heard “You can’t love anyone unless you love yourself,” but amid life’s distractions and the myth of perfect, romantic love, how exactly do you do that? In Loving Bravely, psychologist, professor and relationship expert Alexandra H. Solomon introduces the idea of relational self-awareness, encouraging you to explore your personal history to gain an understanding of your own relational patterns, as well as your strengths and weaknesses in relationships. By doing so, you’ll learn what relationships actually require, beyond the fairytale notions of romance. And by maintaining a steady but gentle focus on yourself, you’ll build the best possible foundation for making a loving connection. By understanding your past relationship experiences, cultivating a strong sense of self-awareness, and determining what it is you really want in a romantic partner—you’ll be ready to find the healthy, lasting love your heart desires. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Marital Conflict and Children E. Mark Cummings, Patrick T. Davies, 2011-09-01 From leading researchers, this book presents important advances in understanding how growing up in a discordant family affects child adjustment, the factors that make certain children more vulnerable than others, and what can be done to help. It is a state-of-the-science follow-up to the authors' seminal earlier work, Children and Marital Conflict: The Impact of Family Dispute and Resolution. The volume presents a new conceptual framework that draws on current knowledge about family processes; parenting; attachment; and children's emotional, physiological, cognitive, and behavioral development. Innovative research methods are explained and promising directions for clinical practice with children and families are discussed. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Patterns of Attachment Mary D. Salter Ainsworth, Mary C. Blehar, Everett Waters, Sally N. Wall, 2015-06-26 Ethological attachment theory is a landmark of 20th century social and behavioral sciences theory and research. This new paradigm for understanding primary relationships across the lifespan evolved from John Bowlby’s critique of psychoanalytic drive theory and his own clinical observations, supplemented by his knowledge of fields as diverse as primate ethology, control systems theory, and cognitive psychology. By the time he had written the first volume of his classic Attachment and Loss trilogy, Mary D. Salter Ainsworth’s naturalistic observations in Uganda and Baltimore, and her theoretical and descriptive insights about maternal care and the secure base phenomenon had become integral to attachment theory. Patterns of Attachment reports the methods and key results of Ainsworth’s landmark Baltimore Longitudinal Study. Following upon her naturalistic home observations in Uganda, the Baltimore project yielded a wealth of enduring, benchmark results on the nature of the child’s tie to its primary caregiver and the importance of early experience. It also addressed a wide range of conceptual and methodological issues common to many developmental and longitudinal projects, especially issues of age appropriate assessment, quantifying behavior, and comprehending individual differences. In addition, Ainsworth and her students broke new ground, clarifying and defining new concepts, demonstrating the value of the ethological methods and insights about behavior. Today, as we enter the fourth generation of attachment study, we have a rich and growing catalogue of behavioral and narrative approaches to measuring attachment from infancy to adulthood. Each of them has roots in the Strange Situation and the secure base concept presented in Patterns of Attachment. It inclusion in the Psychology Press Classic Editions series reflects Patterns of Attachment’s continuing significance and insures its availability to new generations of students, researchers, and clinicians. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: How to Be an Adult in Relationships David Richo, 2021-11-02 This beloved book has touched hundreds of thousands of lives with its profound and actionable advice. Retaining the core message of becoming more mindful in our relationships, this edition includes new and revised material that addresses how we live and love today. A new preface touches on David Richo’s experience with the book over time and outlines the key updates, including attention to online dating and modern communication styles as well as new perspectives on anger and ending relationships. “Most people think of love as a feeling,” says Richo, “but love is not so much a feeling as a way of being present.” How to Be an Adult in Relationships explores five hallmarks of mindful loving and how they play a key role in our relationships. Adult love is based on a mutual commitment to what Richo calls the “five A’s”: attention, acceptance, appreciation, affection, and allowing. Brimming with practical exercises for couples and singles, How to Be an Adult in Relationships offers heartening insights into a lifelong journey of love. Topics include: • Becoming conscious of our relationship patterns and how they relate to childhood • Recognizing and attracting someone who can show adult love • Understanding the phases relationships go through • Creating and maintaining healthy boundaries • Overcoming fears of abandonment and engulfment • Expressing anger and other emotions in adult and loving ways • Surviving break-ups with our self-esteem intact • Understanding love as a spiritual journey |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Adult Attachment W. Steven Rholes, Jeffry A. Simpson, 2004-07-12 With contributions from leading investigators, this volume presents important theoretical and empirical advances in the study of adult attachment. Chapters take stock of the state of knowledge in the field and introduce new, testable theoretical models to guide future research. Major topics covered include stability and change of attachment orientations across the lifespan; influences of attachment on cognitive functioning; and implications for the ways individuals experience intimacy, conflict, caregiving, and satisfaction in adult relationships. Also explored are the ways attachment theory and research can inform therapy with couples and can further understanding of such significant clinical problems as PTSD and depression. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The Courage to Feel Andrew Seubert, 2021-05-11 Many people live partial lives, keeping their vitality under emotional mufflers and living life without ever feeling like an adult. The Courage to Feel delivers a pragmatic, creative and inspiring four-step path to emotional mastery and freedom that explores the hidden wealth of guidance and wisdom available through our emotions. Each chapter includes anecdotes, applications and exercises to anchor the teachings along with the charming allegory of Simon the Turtle who must leave his shell to follow his heart is woven throughout the book. Based on the authors 25+ years' experience with thousands of clients, this book will launch you on a journey that leads to personal freedom, happier marriages, improved work relationships, and deeper spirituality. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: The School of Greatness Lewis Howes, 2015-10-27 When a career-ending injury left elite athlete and professional football player Lewis Howes out of work and living on his sister’s couch, he decided he needed to make a change for the better. He started by reaching out to people he admired, searching for mentors, and applying his past coaches’ advice from sports to life off the field. Lewis did more than bounce back: He built a multimillion-dollar online business and is now a sought-after business coach, speaker, and podcast host. In The School of Greatness, Howes shares the essential tips and habits he gathered in interviewing “the greats” on his wildly popular podcast of the same name. In discussion with people like Olympic gold medalist Shawn Johnson and Pencils of Promise CEO Adam Braun, Howes figured out that greatness is unearthed and cultivated from within. The masters of greatness are not successful because they got lucky or are innately more talented, but because they applied specific habits and tools to embrace and overcome adversity in their lives. A framework for personal development, The School of Greatness gives you the tools, knowledge, and actionable resources you need to reach your potential. Howes anchors each chapter with a specific lesson he culled from his greatness “professors” and his own experiences to teach you how to create a vision, develop hustle, and use dedication, mindfulness, joy, and love to reach goals. His lessons and practical exercises prove that anyone is capable of achieving success and that we can all strive for greatness in our everyday lives. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Coming Home to Self Nancy Newton Verrier, 2003 This book explains the role of separation trauma in the life of adoptees and birth mothers and how that trauma affects the neurological system. It demonstrates how the inner, fearful child may be running the lives of adoptees. It shows how the meaning we give to events determines our beliefs and how those beliefs control our feelings, attitudes and behavior. It gives guidelines for discovering the authentic self and for becoming accountable for our impact on others. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Love Sense Dr. Sue Johnson, 2013-12-31 The bestselling author of Hold Me Tight presents a revolutionary new understanding of why and how we love, based on cutting-edge research. Every day, we hear of relationships failing and questions of whether humans are meant to be monogamous. LOVE SENSE presents new scientific evidence that tells us that humans are meant to mate for life. Dr. Johnson explains that romantic love is an attachment bond, just like that between mother and child, and shows us how to develop our love sense--our ability to develop long-lasting relationships. Love is not the least bit illogical or random, but actually an ordered and wise recipe for survival. LOVE SENSE covers the three stages of a relationship and how to best weather them; the intelligence of emotions and the logic of love; the physical and psychological benefits of secure love; and much more. Based on groundbreaking research, LOVE SENSE will change the way we think about love. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Adult Attachment Omri Gillath, Gery C. Karantzas, R. Chris Fraley, 2016-03-29 Adult Attachment: A Concise Introduction to Theory and Research is an easy-to-read and highly accessible reference on attachment that deals with many of the key concepts and topics studied within attachment theory. This book is comprised of a series of chapters framed by common questions that are typically asked by novices entering the field of attachment. The content of each chapter focuses on answering this overarching question. Topics on the development of attachment are covered from different levels of analysis, including species, individual, and relationship levels, working models of attachment, attachment functions and hierarchies, attachment stability and change over time and across situations, relationship contexts, the cognitive underpinnings of attachment and its activation of enhancement via priming, the interplay between the attachment behavioral system and other behavioral systems, the effects of context on attachment, the contribution of physiology/neurology and genetics to attachment, the associations/differences between attachment and temperament, the conceptualization and measurement of attachment, and the association between attachment and psychopathology/therapy. TEDx talk: The Power of (Secure) Love by Omri Gillath: https://youtu.be/PgIQv-rTGgA - Uses a question-and-answer format to address the most important topics within attachment theory - Presents information in a simple, easy-to-understand way to ensure accessibility for novices in the field of attachment - Covers the main concepts and issues that relate to attachment theory, thus ensuring readers develop a strong foundation in attachment theory that they can then apply to the study of relationships - Addresses future directions in the field of attachment theory - Concisely covers material, ensuring scholars and professionals can quickly get up-to-speed with the most recent research |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: From First Kiss to Forever Marisa T. Cohen, 2016-10-20 From First Kiss to Forever: A Scientific Approach to Love is a fun and humorous, yet scientific, book about relationships. This book introduces the reader to relationship science. The chapters examine how people meet, select their mates, and fall in and out of love. Readers need not be a scientists to understand the information presented. Each chapter relates present-day research to everyday experiences and real relationship issues confronted by couples every day. And each ends with take home tips/questions to help the reader apply the lessons in his/her own life.Do you want to understand the science behind finding a mate, maintaining long-lasting relationships, or even what makes some relationships doomed to fail? Help your relationships grow and flourish, and have a few hearty laughs along the way. |
| how abandonment issues affect relationships: Attachment in the Preschool Years Mark T. Greenberg, Dante Cicchetti, E. Mark Cummings, 1990 This collection of original articles by leading specialists in child development brings together work from diverse backgrounds and disciplines to establish, for the first time, the importance of the preschool period (eighteen months to four years)for parent-child attachment relationships. Balancing theoretical, research-oriented, and clinical papers, Attachment in the Preschool Years provides valuable data and approaches for those working in a wide range of fields, including developmental psychology and psychopathology, child psychiatry, family therapy, pediatrics, nursing, and early childhood education. There is a wealth of information and thought in this book; it does not have a weak or uninteresting chapter, starting with the Preface by Emde, and as a whole, it forms a sort of seminar.—John E. Bates, Contemporary Psychology |
12 Common Signs of Abandonment Trauma - Psyc…
Jun 20, 2024 · Abandonment trauma is a profound psychological wound that arises when an individual feels …
Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes, and How to Cope - Ps…
Jun 29, 2023 · Ahead, we’ll explore more about what abandonment issues actually are, including some of the …
Abandonment Issues: Symptoms, Causes, Treatmen…
Apr 10, 2025 · Abandonment issues usually stem from some kind of loss, abuse, or unmet needs. In the long …
Abandonment Issues: 3 Types of Attachment Styles - WebMD
Sep 12, 2024 · Abandonment issues happen when a parent or caregiver does not provide the child with …
Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes & How to Overcome
Sep 14, 2022 · Abandonment issues involve a deep fear of being hurt, rejected or abandoned. Fear of …
12 Common Signs of Abandonment Trauma - Psychology Today
Jun 20, 2024 · Abandonment trauma is a profound psychological wound that arises when an individual feels deserted by someone crucial to their emotional and physical well-being, …
Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes, and How to Cope - Psych Central
Jun 29, 2023 · Ahead, we’ll explore more about what abandonment issues actually are, including some of the symptoms of these issues and what you can do to cope if you’re living with a fear …
Abandonment Issues: Symptoms, Causes, Treatment, and More - Healthline
Apr 10, 2025 · Abandonment issues usually stem from some kind of loss, abuse, or unmet needs. In the long term, they can lead to relationship problems. Therapy may help you overcome your …
Abandonment Issues: 3 Types of Attachment Styles - WebMD
Sep 12, 2024 · Abandonment issues happen when a parent or caregiver does not provide the child with consistent warm or attentive interactions, leaving them feeling chronic stress and …
Abandonment Issues: Signs, Causes & How to Overcome
Sep 14, 2022 · Abandonment issues involve a deep fear of being hurt, rejected or abandoned. Fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety that often develops in response to specific painful or …
Abandonment issues: Signs, symptoms, treatment, and more
Nov 30, 2023 · Abandonment issues are a form of anxiety that occurs when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. People with abandonment issues can have difficulties in …
Abandonment Issues: 12 Signs + How To Overcome Them - mindbodygreen
Dec 20, 2021 · Abandonment issues typically are produced by a traumatic situation that stripped a person of their power to control outcomes that they truly wanted—the inability to prevent a …
15 Warning Signs of an Adult with Abandonment Issues
Jul 2, 2023 · What are Abandonment Issues? 15 Signs of Abandonment Issues in Adults. 1. Entering Into and Maintaining Unhealthy Relationships; 2. Tendency to Attach Too Quickly; 3. …
Healing Abandonment Trauma: 7 Signs, Causes, and Recovery …
Abandonment trauma manifests as a deep-seated emotional response pattern stemming from experiences of neglect, rejection, or abandonment. These experiences create lasting …
Abandonment: What It Is, Symptoms, Causes and Effects - GoodTherapy
Nov 21, 2019 · Understand abandonment issues, how they affect relationships, and their emotional impact. Learn to recognize signs and explore strategies for healing. Sign up and Get …
